There's something about this Autumn equinox and sense of crisp air in the atmosphere that makes me want to reflect on some of my feelings as I've begun school and the new season is changing. I want to be honest here and say that I've become a bit frantic in my thinking lately and there are so many things going on for me to process.
I know it can seem normal for me to feel this way because I have in the past, but more than ever have I felt the need to be doing something always. I am always anxious when I have nothing to do, so when I have a to-do list, my mind is focused and I know I can get somewhere when I'm being productive.
I know most people, especially my age, would love to have as much free time as possible, but not me. I am undoubtedly the most overly ambitious and erratic human being when it comes to reaching for things I want. You know some people take it slow and that's fine, but I feel like I'm always pushing myself almost over the edge sometimes. I give myself breaks and try to be healthy in that way, but as soon as school started I had a checklist of things I wanted to get done by the time I graduate. Pretty scary stuff.
I've realized that the more I push myself into things, the worse I feel. I work up emotions and nerves that just don't serve me. Adrenaline does, but anxious nerves do not. So, I've applied myself more to things so far like joining PRSSA (the public relations student society of America), I'm now the editor of HerCampus DePaul, and I've felt like I still don't have enough "experience" to be successful in the future. Some shit like that.
I've slapped myself in the face because I'm in that mood where I become comparitive of myself and worry about what everyone else is in and doing. I've said it before in my previous post, "Pushing Away Negative Thought Clouds," but we can find ourselves in a trap of comparing ourselves to one another. I need to realize that the things that will come to me in the future are beyond my control. As of now, I need to focus on what I love to pursue now.
Thanks to my mom and some of my good friends who have talked to me about this feeling, I know I'm definitely not alone. I've talked to my parents about my goals for the next couple years and we are going to figure it out together, which makes me reassured. My friends also can relate to this feeling that we all need to committ to a plan and have an idea of where we wanna be, what we wanna do, or who we wanna be with at some point. I just can't think like that in the obsessive nature I am.
The more that I talk and write about this, the more clearer it becomes. It's okay to be all over in your thoughts. It's okay to think about and prepare for the future, but you cannot live everyday worrying about things you can't control. You are going to get the experiences you want, you are going to reach the goals you dream of, and you will find a path when you accept the fact that not everything is going to go as planned.
You are not going to have the same experiences as others in this because it is what you make of it. It is okay to have off days. Motivation does not always have to be there. It is okay to not know where your life is headed. I know this sounds super sappy, but this is something I need to hear more than anybody else. As my dad says, "Why don't you listen to your writing, dude?". I'm trying. It seems so much easier said than done.
I have found, though, that documenting my feelings or at least staying up late and texting a best friend about this has been extremely beneficial to relieving the doubts and thoughts that I have. I know I've already had a great three weeks at school, but the unknown of the future has hit me hard this quarter. Also, treating yourself a little bit and making sure you have time for yourself is very important.
I at least know that my writing has been pretty good since I've started looking a bit more introspectively on myself and showing that on my blog. The response seems really well, too. So, I know I'm at least doing something right. That's all I can hope.
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I'm already halfway into college and I'm still fathoming reasons I made it through high school and how that all even happened. I had one of the most positive roller coaster rides in high school and managed to survive and experience as many things as I possibly could. Two years later, and I don't know what the hell I'm doing or would like to do yet, but that's okay because it all works out in the end. Or so we hope.
I spent half of my high school career wondering what my purpose was and the other half wondering what my purpose was going to be when I graduated. What I was going to do and where I was going to go. High school stressed me out the most sophomore and senior year. Mainly because I didn't make the softball team and I was waiting on a scholarship I heard back from a week after I graduated. So, you can say things got a lil crazy in my mind. And now my youngest sister is going to graduate this year and I thought this would be a nice post for her to look at (if she even dares to).
There are some things I wish were put into perspective for me before I left for college, but gradually I managed to figure these out on my own. Even if you aren't going off to college, maybe these help remind you that there are some things we need to accept in life. I'm going to be honest here and say that there will be difficult things that happen to us in this transition and you will be okay.
You are Going to Get Through It
In high school and in college, you are going to have bad days. You might get a D on a paper, you will get lost, you may feel stranded at school, you will want to come home everyday when you can't, you will miss your family, but it is all going to be just fine. There is someone there supporting you and ready to listen to you whenever you need. These little obstacles will pass and you will find a sunnier day ahead.
The Little Things Do Not Matter
You will stress over a group project, worry about how you're going to eat in the dining hall alone, not have best friends right away, or any other small stress that might bug you. You cannot let yourself sweat the small things because they will not serve you in the future week, month, or year from now.
You Will Lose Friends
You are going to lose high school friends and that's just a part of everybody leaving home and growing up. You need to know that not everyone is going to "stay in touch" with you forever. While it is easy to Snapchat and all that with your friends, it will never be the same as meeting up in the lunchroom everyday and having that same group of people to talk to. Your entire friend sphere will change and you will have to accept a new diversity of people into your life because college is all about new perspectives.
The College You Choose Does Not Matter
Any college you end up choosing will give you the education and experience you want no matter what because it is what you ultimately make of it. My college experience so far has taught me to see the world differently more than high school ever did and I want you to not worry about the superficial things such as the college you pick or the fun parties everyone else is going to. There is so much more to college.
Not Knowing Your Path is Okay
You are going to get confused and feel like everyone else knows where they're headed. You can't think this. The way we compare ourselves to others gets the best of us and distracts us from what we need to focus on in our own lives. The more we worry about others, the less we achieve. Why put that much pressure on yourself?
You Will Have Regrets
You are going to second guess yourself at times. You will ask yourself if you could have done things differently in high school and made other choices in college. You might regret not auditioning for something, putting in more work for an exam, or all of the above. Worrying about what happened and what could have happened is not entirely in your control.
You Will Fail
You are going to totally not understand a chapter and completely bomb a quiz or a test. However, using these failures as growth will only help you succeed. Accept failure, but don't get discouraged from it.
Money Does Not Always Leave You in College
I thought that I was going to be broke my entire time at college, but there are many ways you can generate money throughout college that made me feel financially secure enough. Budgeting and taking note of expenses for one thing will help you not blow all your money, but finding an on-campus job, babysitting on the weekends, or selling clothes online are great ways to make extra cash. Your wallet can survive if you are smart about it.
You Will Feel Alone at Times
It is going to feel totally scary and awkward when most of your days are without the normal crew of people you see and talk to. You will not be with your best friends and you are going to feel like there is no one around to be your friend. In reality, everyone is in the same boat looking for someone to eat with, talk to, and to feel less uncomfortable with at school. Say hi to someone, but also embrace getting to know yourself more by yourself. College is about learning to be alone with your thoughts.
People are There to Help and Support You
No one just hands you the batan and says, "you're on your own forever". You have a family back home that loves you and a school of advisors and professors that are there to help you and to make your college experience worthwhile. There is no penalty for asking for help. No one will make fun of you. No one is going to judge you. Do not feel embarrased for being homesick. It takes time to adjust and you are not in it by yourself.
Emily, I hope you have a wonderful senior year and I know you will succeed in your college adventure to come. Things will come and go, challenges will arise, but great things are going to come out of it all. You are smart, beautiful, and strong enough to tackle anything and everything you set your mind to. I love you derp.
Your big sis,
Natalie
It's the beginning of the school year and all things are going good: you got new clothes, new classes, new friends, new professors, and a new kick in your step as you glide on through your first couple weeks of school. Sounds like the perfect beginning to an easy and smooth school year. Right?
For some kids, it might be this simple, but for the average and anxious college student like me, fireworks are going off in my head. New things means more work. More work means more energy. And more energy means stress. Now I've addressed taking breaks from the internet and all that, but I don't think I've really stressed about how to take a mental break—an emptying of your mind and all bad thoughts that do not serve you whatsoever.
Now I have to admit, I have had a pretty great beginning to my sophomore year. I've moved into my on-campus apartment, everything is pretty much settled and decorated (there will be a room and small apartment tour up at somepoint), I've started my major classes like public relations and my minor which is spanish, I have become the editor for my women's campus blog called Her Campus, and I just recently became a member of my college's Public Relations Student Society of America (PRSSA).
So, lots of things have been going on recently and I have been a busy college girl these past few weeks. I have so many things I would like to share about my experiences in these things so please stay tuned! I thought that this post would be a nice refresher as to what is going on in my life at the moment and what plans I have for the future.
And you know what, not making plans is fine, too. I feel like a lot of college kids get so ahead of themselves with all their passionate "dreams" (ahem, like me) and try to apply themselves a bit more than they can handle. Not saying many people can't, but it can be easy to over-involve yourself very quickly when school begins.
I'll be honest, I've even signed up for more than I think I can handle. While, it was my goal this year to be more involved, there comes a time when you have to accept the fact that you can't do everything all at once. You have to prioritize a balance of things you need to do and the things you want to do.
It's time to take a break. I know we can find ourselves comparing the things we have and don't have or the things we've done and haven't done with that of others. I'm guilty of it too. However, when I have these negative thoughts, I do something in my mind that makes them instantly go away...
Picture these negative thoughts as a stream of air or part of a cloud. Your mind is a blue sky and your goal is to put those thoughts into that puffy cloud and blow them away to make it clear again.
Especially when I'm doing yoga and I get distracted for the smallest moment, I do this and instantly come back to focus on the importance of the present moment. Not comparing myself to others, not thinking about past interactions, and not worrying about what I have done or have to do the next day. Clearing our minds, especially as a young college student, isn't always easy, but taking just a moment to come back and ground yourself will always be mentally rewarding. What's been on your mind lately?
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