Hi, My Name is Natalie and I use Organization to Cope with the Mess Inside my Head

The one thing inherently stable in my life at the moment is my love of organizing. If there's anything I can control and manipulate in this current moment, it's the four corners of my bedroom. As a kid, I was always in love with feng shui and the power of transforming a space that fits your comfort, creativity, and mentality. I have always loved interior design. It's a hobby of mine that I haven't quite been able to pursue, but within my personal space, I have found that there's power in the ability to create a space that fills you with joy. Scratch that. "Sparks joy". 

However, I've also noticed that this sense of control over my surroundings has become toxic at times. When something isn't quite right within my space, I tend to dwell on it: clean it, reorganize, or move things around at a ridiculous rate. My mom will ask me, "didn't you just vacuum?". And while those are probably words that every mom would prefer saying to their child, I have found myself rearranging or cleaning things just to cope with whatever is happening in my head or things I want to avoid. It's a blessing and a curse really. 

So, I've come to terms with my love of organizing and catering the space to my needs. I love the way my room looks and how I've been able to express myself within it. It has truly become a place of solace over the years, and while I do not plan on living in my parents house in the future, this is where I am in my life and so I feel it is best to reassess how this room—this space—has molded the person I am today. 
Whether it be the mindfully stacked books on my shelf, the color coded closet, my mini botanical window sill, or the perfect trio of pillows on my bed. It all serves a purpose. I know that not many people think twice about what shade of blanket they have on their bed or what white space is filled perfectly on their wall, but to me it signifies balance, cohesiveness, creativity, and well—me. 

Perhaps creating an aesthetically pleasing room is just a facade, but to me it represents so much more. It's my safe space, my happy place, and where I can cope with everything else that needs to be organized in my head. Having a type-A personality has allowed me to feel structured, but at times, I am in need of that release from perfection, from clean lines, and from comfort. 

I guess that's what being stuck in a room for over a year does to you. There are things we have to let be and we can't control everything. But if it means living in a space that I love and where I can find some sort of control—well, I'll just be here re-organizing my bookshelf. 

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