2.25.2020

A Note on Purpose

Many times do I find myself in silence, either right before bed or as soon as I wake-up. Times I think to myself what needs to be accomplished the next day and making lists or to-dos in my head. I have this obsession with creating lists and "next steps" for what needs to get done and to be quite frank, it's exhausting. Counting down the days, scratching out the lists, ripping off the weeks, it's just a matter of time before I'm onto the next thing and the next and the next. I need to breathe really.

There are times when I find myself wondering how I got here. There are also times when I find myself wondering when I will leave. Never would I have imagined where I would be now ten years ago—and I don't know what lies ahead of me either. I think that's just the process of time at work.

I could never have guessed that I would be halfway through my junior year, continuing this blog for more than five years, being a writing tutor at my college, being promoted to the Executive Vice President of PRSSA, visited five countries in Europe, or even have three tattoos by the time I'm twenty-years-old. I feel good and proud. 
There are times when I digress into my humble little puffer jacket shell and question my abilities, my passions, and what the hell I'm doing. I mean, I think it's valid and common to feel that way, but let's be real, winter doesn't help and I will blame the weather as much as I want. February is one of the worst "second chance" months, you know after you tried so hard to get back at it in January, but then February just sneaks up on you with a pile of deadlines, emails, and applications to be sent out. 

This month has really sneaked up on me, but what I've come to realize is that it can be very easy to set ourselves in neutral during these seasons. It can be easy to lose sight of the purpose that drives me to do the things I'm passionate about. I'm stuck in the past or the future, not taking full advantage of the present moment for what it is. It's easy to place myself on a scale of productivity and obsess over what must be done—not what is being done. 

Thinking about what gives me purpose motivates me to take everything I do at full force and focus, knowing at the end of the day, that I tried my best. Remembering where I stand now and not wasting my life trying to figure out what my end-all-be-all "purpose" truly is because this is it. What I've learned, though, is that our life's purpose is not a "one-stop arrival," and as cliché, as it is true, it's about the journey, not the destination and trusting the process along the way. Nothing is permanent—we're all just figuring it out as we go. How can you find purpose in today? 

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