I would definitely say that writing has come easily to me over the years, but when I was younger it was hard. I write so much nowadays anyway that I feel much more comfortable than I did in middle school or high school. I was not a good reader, but I was a proficient writer.
You see, the thing is was that in my school, at least, we were taught specific ways to read, analyze, infer, and explain sorts of things that we were learning about—seems like any other school curriculum. My school was driven on the basis of standardized tests, like many schools, so what they wanted from students (in terms of writing) was the average five paragraph sandwich essay with little room to elaborate on our own thoughts because using "I" was forbidden.
I don't resent my English schooling, but I wish it had been different because what I have learned from my own writing and college is that none of it is important (for the most part). What we should be learning is correct grammar and that is still something I struggle with constantly. Kids do not know how to properly comma splice or even the difference between "its" and "it's."
I'm no "grammar nazi" and I definitely don't discriminate based on how well or poor you write because I know that everyone is at a different level and pace when it comes to writing—a lot of people hate it. I guess my background with writing and being surrounded by English majors kind of swayed me a bit into the passion. The freedom of using my own words and thoughts to talk about whatever I want, especially on my own platform, has been one of the most gratifying experiences in my life. Writing is a part of me and always will.
Many people ask me how I can handle writing freely, with writing for my college blog and editing, as well as, managing five to six-page papers on a weekly basis. All I can say is that when I'm in the mood, I'm a writing machine. Words can just easily flow off my fingers. I think it's not only therapeutic but introspectively reflective and releasing.
My college writing, for one thing, has been more about my own interpretations, so instead of research and context-based writing I did in high school, I actually get to think about things on my terms not relating to a certain article or opinion of somebody else. There's no "second meaning" and my professors aren't forcing us to make wild inferences about certain metaphors or what deeper meaning something has. High school focused too much on the content and I think it strayed our abilities to create our own understanding of the texts.
I guess the trick or key to prideful writing is that you can't really compare yours to everybody else's. I know there are far better writers than me out there, but I think recently I've gotten really comfortable with my voice and that's proven some really great work that I've made. Maybe it's also a mentality, too. My mood, for one thing, has been pretty positive lately and that's really affected the way I write and go about writing. Some weeks I feel like shit and lack the inspiration I can normally find.
Since I have basically been writing nonstop this past couple of months, there's without a doubt that I've improved on some aspect of my writing. I still have trouble using "big" words, sentence variance, and everything else. However, little by little I've noticed that it's easier to form my complex ideas and connect them all so I don't fall astray from the main concept of my writing—or at least I think so.
I'm the biggest critic of my own writing and no A or B on a paper can tell me whether or not I really did a good job. Of course, I make mistakes in my writing, could elaborate more on certain subjects, fix the structure of my thoughts, and so forth, but I know whether or not the writing I did was created with full effort and purpose.
One of the biggest things I've learned with writing is that simplicity is a strong suit. Learning how to write less with concision is probably the hardest things for college students and writers in general. A lot of people feel like they have to say so much about everything, but you really need to get to the point and move on. It takes time to develop your style, voice, and comfortability with writing. It takes time, patience, and effort. I'm constantly learning and I hope everybody takes the opportunity to do the same!
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I am in shock by how fast this month has gone by because Halloween is in literally a day. I swear it was September like yesterday. I keep talking about time on here and it is still so surprising to me just how quickly it all changes and how unbelievably fast experiences go by. That said, I thought this post could be a little reflective on all the fall-related things I've done already because it's been a very eventful season.
Near the end of September, my family and I went pumpkin picking at a rural pumpkin farm in Illinois. It was a little disappointing for my mom especially because we always try to look for those family owned and uncommercialized "pick-your-own" pumpkin patches. However, a lot of the ones close to using either has too many people now or already has pumpkins picked for you—or both.
Our tradition of going out into the field and looking for the perfect pumpkin is something my family and I love doing. We even brought my dog Cooper along because we also love taking fall pictures while we do it. We did end up bringing home about five big ones, but it still wasn't entirely the same this year and I guess it was okay.
So, after that, I actually got a chance to go visit my Grandpa in Michigan over a weekend. I love making special short trips to see family and it was really nice because I also saw my uncle and my dad's best friend who I've known since I was really little. Small reunions like that are always so sweet and I'm glad I got to go with my dad and my older sister, Melissa.
Over this past month, I've really become family oriented and have realized how much I value family and make those efforts to connect with people I care about. I've always had that personality trait, but just recently it's been very evident and that's always a great thing to have.
Later this month, I did something I wouldn't normally get myself into. My sister invited me to go to the 13th Floor Haunted House in Chicago. For some reason, I casually said yes and we all ended up there that night. It was me, my younger sister, her boyfriend, and a few other of our friends. I think part of me just wanted to be scared and do something adrenaline pumping and I was for sure on edge.
If you love to get spooked and creeped out, this is the place for you. Obviously, there are actors and designed sets in there, but it makes it even more fun when you just play along and let yourself be scared. A lot of work and time goes into the creation of many haunted houses and my friends and I were talking about the art of scaring and how much goes into it. I let out a few screams ;)
I also got to carve my pumpkin just this past weekend and roast some of the pumpkin seeds. I am not sharing what my pumpkin looks like because it honestly backfired and fell inward on itself, but I did carve the boogie man from A Nightmare Before Christmas. That's probably one of my favorite Halloween movies and I'm surprised I haven't watched it at all this month or any other Halloween movies really. I have been watching more classic horror movies like The Shining, though, which I love.
This weekend, or Hallo-weekend, I had a costume party with some of my closest friends and I went as Tom Cruise from Risky Business. Thankfully, it wasn't too cold out to wear shorts under my dress shirt I bought from Goodwill. I think this October has fulfilled my fall checklist of things to do and I'm amazed that it's almost over and the next thing we know it's Thanksgiving. I hope everyone has a safe and spooky-ookey Halloween! 👻🎃
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"The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let the dead things go." -Anonymous
One of the most redeeming qualities of fall is the ability to start over. So much has happened this year, good and bad, but knowing that you get a reset button is the most humbling and refreshing feeling. It's a warm hug from the universe. Anything you think is going wrong in your life at the moment will work itself out in the future and everything will be at peace.
We hold onto relationships, grudges, memories, stress, and everything else. Nobody is telling us what is and what isn't important to hold onto. Having a chance to reflect and remember is great, but dwelling on the past and what is out of our control will only serve pain and regret.
A lot of the times I try to take control of things. I think many people can relate to that and we all do it subconsciously. We all want what's best for ourselves and in some ways, it can be a really great thing. Taking initiative and going after things is never bad. However, when we try to take more than what we can handle, it becomes chaotic and stress-inducing.
At least I've noticed that so many people, like me, are in fifty places at once all the time—nonstop. It's great to have momentum in your life, but when there are thoughts that pinch your nerves and make you have many double-takes, your mind can really mess things up.
Just these past couple of weeks I was having basically an existential crisis. The fact that I'm almost halfway done with college is a scary thought. Me trying to make every moment count tries to overachieve and put many things on my plate all at once. The anxiety that comes from it is not worth it. I've realized worrying about things out of my control just makes life more difficult than it needs to be. The smaller things that bug me won't affect me in a week, month, or year from now; it's something I forget constantly. This season has definitely brought me great insight as to who I want to be and what I need to focus more and less on.
It's not an easy thing to do. When so much is happening to you all at once, I know that trying to find a sense of release and content is not always ideal. For me, this feeling comes in phases and different times of the year depending on what's happening in my life. I've noticed that the best things that have happened to me came out of nowhere when I wasn't looking or expecting them too. It's like when all is good and I'm more to myself doing things I love, others around me reflect that and things tend to work themselves out.
I find that when I release those dwelling thoughts and obligations, I can take my best foot forward and move onto the next best thing. That's all we can hope and there's no better way of looking at it like that. Finding ways to improve from your past, acknowledging it, and never looking back or second-guessing yourself. Life can be so much simpler. I promise.
"Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be."- Sonia Ricotti
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