Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Many people deal with having to go through the process of purchasing a new phone—you know how it goes. Your old one "breaks" and you're instantly made to think, by some god of Apple, that there's no more use in trying to get it fixed, so you resort to the process no one really wants to go through, or pay for, but since society makes you believe that you should get a new iPhone, you get a new iPhone. We've all been there.
This past week I bought a new phone. The iPhone Xs to be exact. I will not beat down this phone, because it is a really nice phone—fancy cameras with depth effect and a facial recognition passcode system that makes me feel like I'm James Bond. The phone itself is one thing, but the reason I got the phone was another. Details aside, my old iPhone 7 was perfectly fine. It was just that "time".
Earlier this year I took an environmental science class that focused on sustainability and one of the things that stuck with me was the idea of perceived obsolescence. That "time" which urges us and our very consumeristic selves to buy the next iPhone, upgrade to a better car, replace something out of "trend," all of these disposable and subconscious desires pop up out of nowhere—we're left dissatisfied and conform to what companies tell us we need to buy, replace, upgrade, and all for something better.
I've had my fair share of Marie Kondo-ing my life and organizing, decluttering, or taking inventory of everything I own. It's just a part of me that gives me release, satisfaction, and room to grow. The tangible "things" that exist in my life have been greatly thought about—no I don't name my knick-knacks—but, I have found that dwelling on the things I have and don't have has no place in my life.
I've come to this conclusion before and push it aside—prioroties and all. It makes me sick. Why this "urge" takes over, I don't know. Monkey see monkey do. We are creatures of desire and want. This urge hasn't just occurred with the tangible, but during times when I'm at an all-high in my life and the dark cloud wooshes over me like no bitch, you don't get to be happy.
Gratitude and finding it is hard. I've talked about it before. It can be like a cow grazing in the grass, so much grass to choose from, but the cow just eats in the same, overeaten hole in the ground every single day. My metaphors need more work, but the point is, the cow is perfectly content with its overeaten hole of dead grass. No other cow to please.
Maybe I'm the cow. Maybe I'm not. Maybe you're the cow.
Don't take offense to me calling you a cow. I love cows. Anyway, finding appreciation in the disgruntled, dilapidated, and average or less than is a challenge, to say the least. Things we wish we had, but are forced to settle with: our hair, our car, our home, our relationship, our degree, our job, etc. There's always going to be more, but we are so impatient with life. We run on double-shot lattes and malcontent.
Being active online and a blogger has come with its malcontents. You always want to have the nicest photos, perfect outfits, and a perceived aesthetic. You think your photo is good? Wait until you see hers—posted five minutes after you worked two hours for the perfect selfie.
I'll be honest, I have never had to sit in front of the camera for that long, but I'm sure others have. It's the culture we have created. Perfection is emanated from our screens day and night. We keep up by having this urge tell us we need to change, spend money, photoshop, etc. I'm distracted, obsessed, and at times I am so frustrated with myself for feeling like I can't be present with the people I'm with or the things I'm doing because there's something else I need or want slapping me in the face.
I always think about ways I can be more grateful. I am so lucky to be where I am right now. I think I can be very hard on myself because I fear that it could all just vanish. So much so, that I find ways to control it. All of the good in my life has been painted over with my inability to envision this life as it is, nothing more, nothing less.
My teen years resulted in me beating myself up with "what ifs" and I'm ready to start thinking more of "what is". There are many ways I have tried to cope with this urge I have been talking about. Meditating and having a mental break to just check back in with your values and priorities has helped. I do yoga, so any time I can redirect my focus has allowed me to re-connect with things that matter: my family, my friends, my health, my drive, my mood, my gratefulness, all of the above.
It is not an easy feat. I'm with you. You don't have to do yoga to be grateful. You could be in your car during rush hour, finishing a load of laundry, in an Apple store buying a new iPhone you think you "need," anywhere you are gratefulness comes with great power—and responsibility. We are responsible for fostering it into our lives, our interactions, our relationships, our daily urges. What we have is all we got. How do you graze in gratitude? 🐄
Summer Flies, Honeybee
Here we are, a month later, carving out my goals for the next month—August! Leo season is now upon us and my birthday is up and coming towards the end of the month. July went by quick as I got my routine back together and returned from Europe. The first week of July I was in Spain, made a quick trip to Missouri to see some family friends, and finally got back into somewhat of a routine again. July has shaped up to be a productive month and August will be one of last summer vacations and productivity. Here's what you might see from me this month...
01. My internship! A week back from Europe I started my public relations internship with a small boutique PR agency called Papergirl PR & Marketing. I interviewed for a public relations position in May and just so happened that they were happy to have me on board with all of the experience I have had at DePaul. It all occurred very fast and now I'm doing work for their clients which are restaurants, cafes, and bars around Chicago. Some of these include Umbria Coffee, Weber Grill, The Beer Garden at Navy Pier, and more. I am thrilled to be working with the team and will share my experience as the month goes on.
02. Getting back on it. I've felt out of sorts lately. Maybe it's because I have been away from a routine since the beginning of June, but I really want to find my footing again this month and get back to my organized and motivated self again. I want to try out new fitness classes, like barre or boxing, and take up new skills to get me motivated again. Possibly try out a new yoga studio? Read a book? I don't know, but hopefully, I can be less bored with the same old and more enthusiastic about trying new things this month.
03. I would really like to get my camera back out again. I didn't take it to Europe, and I was a little disappointed that I didn't. However, carrying it everywhere and worrying about it getting stolen was going to be an anxious nightmare. This month I really want to go out and find some aesthetically pleasing fields or murals to take pictures at and try to test my photographic abilities with other subjects. As much as I love photos of me (ha), I also love taking photos of other people. A few months back I did graduation photos for a friend and realized how much I love going on photoshoots and making people look good—to say the least!
04. My birthday! This year I turn the big 2-0 and am quite thrilled to be in my 20s. As much as I embraced my teenage years, I feel as though my maturity level has always been in my 20s. I haven't really made any plans for it yet, but I'm really into low-key birthday dinners and just a bonfire with friends. I just heard that Crate and Barrel has a new restaurant called Table at Crate, which I am eager to try out. Apparently, not all Crate and Barrels are transforming their stores yet, but it's a way to showcase their products which I think is brilliant.
05. Sprucing up my portfolio. Over the three weeks, I was in Europe for the international advertising abroad program, I had the chance to work on creative campaigns for clients each week and execute advertisements to go along with it. All of which I am proud of and would like to showcase on my blog. By next month, I want to have all of those campaigns on here, which will be under my portfolio tab for you to explore!
This summer has been jam-packed with things to do and I am looking forward to a new month with new goals! It's always refreshing to turn the calendar and make a plan for the time being until I start school back up in September. Anything fun on the agenda this month?
As I sit here, watching the rain pour outside my window, the only thing I am inspired by is the peanut butter toast waiting for me in the kitchen. I planned today to be a day to shoot and write, but Im really just feeling like I need a nap. The worst part about vacations is leaving that vacation and having to come back to reality. It's been a real treat being able to travel so much already, but when you get home, responsibilities hit you hard. At least, they hit me hard.
Over the past years, I have dealt with creative ruts and being uninspired. Some other creative writers or bloggers might find it easier to find a new strategy, new product, new medium, etc. to foster this new creativity, but as a college student who has an internship started, a nannying job, and a dog to take care of, it can be difficult to balance it all. If only I can balance it all once school starts! I guess I wanted to make this post a check in and also a way to find creativity and inspiration in places you might not realize—because eating this peanut butter toast is going to do any of that.
Luxurious week or even month long vacations can be amazing and there's lots to get inspired from, but the motivation to do anything after is a real struggle. Sometimes I feel like it takes me another week or so to get back on my feet. My mom had me double checking my calendars because I started overbooking myself as soon as I got back from Europe. Finding the will to continue work, especially in the summer, can be the worst. Here's what I've realized:
Stop What You're Doing
The only way I've actually gotten back into creative projects and blogging is just by leaving everything where it is and doing nothing about it. Sounds like a reverse way of handling it, but I guarentee that taking a break from what you're doing is going to give you a better headspace about it. I always find what makes it easier is to put my energy towards something else, whether it be yoga, being outside, biking around the neighborhood, taking a walk, reading a book or magazine, or even shopping can spark new ideas.
Take a New Perspective
When I come back to the drawing board of blog posts I want to write, it can be so hard to figure out how to make the next one different and better than the last. Developing my own brand on my blog has taken hours on end, so fluidity and consistency are key. However, if it seems like your old ways are biting the dust, change them. Try writing from a different perspective, using a new photography technique, or going out and being the subject of the photos. Find something in your work that can be changed or modified—as they say, spice it up. Take a new direction. New ideas will come.
Embrace the Process
It's going to be even harder to get inspiration if you don't embrace the creative process. Ideas take time, but they can also pop up in the middle of nowhere. It can be very challenging when we put deadlines on ourselves to get things up and published, but I would rather much have a developed idea than a last-minute, half-assed one.
Change the Environment
Sitting in the same living room or at the same desk during a time of writer's block and lack of inspiration might be one of the reasons no ideas are coming to you. Change your location, change the desk you are sitting at, create outside and hear the birds chirp, go to a local coffee shop, the library, someone else's house, etc. Find a place that gives you inspiration or at least isn't the place you always write or create at. You will get a fresher sense of atmosphere and if nothing comes, observe your surroundings. What do you see? Smell? Hear? Feel? Start thinking and relax wherever you are.
There's only so much you can do when inspiration becomes an agonizing feat of despair, but to put it lightly, it takes time and you need to allow yourself to get there. The internet is filled with content and creative work, so I always find myself looking for ways to be different.
The truth is, you probably won't be, but you have to love the work you're doing no matter what. Sure, I've had better posts than others, but I am satisfied with it and if you're not—I would suggest thinking about what type of work makes you passionate.
We all get into these ruts every now and then, but don't let them consume you. Vacations and relaxing are necessary for our bodies to take physical and mental breaks, it's normal if you feel like you can't get right back into it yet. If you're truly stuck on an idea, maybe it's time to change it. Write some goals down, outline, make a plan. Come back another day and try again. You will be thankful that you took the time to think things through, rather than rushing to figure out just an "okay" idea.
"Patience, young grasshopper," they say. As much as I can hear my dad saying it to me, waving his hand in front of my face to instil some kind of force, the word "patience" has a very negative connotation to it. When our moms and dads told us to "be patient" as kids, we saw it as a punishment. As a result, we obsessed more and sat in discomfort until we got what we wanted or needed. In all aspects of life, waiting is just one of those uncomfortable things we have to deal with. Whether it be waiting for a job offer, exam grade, interview results, etc., I constantly find areas in my life that require very strong acts of patience.
Waiting is hard, but waiting can be the most rewarding. Something as little as waiting for shoes to go on sale or waiting for a better job opportunity—proof in the pudding, waiting has shown to result in better outcomes. So, why do we insist on things happen here and now? Maybe because we think we're just entitled to everything, shouldn't have to wait, do the work, make the struggle, or who knows what. We like certainty and hate not knowing what the future holds.
For a while, I have been trying to figure out what I'm doing in college and what I want to do with my major. Especially with internships and the organizations that I am in, it seems that so suddenly all of the things I was hoping for have just kinda made their way to me and I am quite overwhelmed. I don't want to discredit the fact that I have worked very hard for these things, but it seems too real.
For one thing, I will be going to Europe in less than a month—a dream of mine I have had since I was seven. I'll be leading Her Campus next year, continuing my position on the board of DePaul PRSSA, joining the Bateman public relations campaign, possibly being a writing tutor, and interviewing for upcoming internship opportunities. Already, I am beginning to think that my waiting time has come and I need to make some well-judged and thought out decisions about what I really want to do.
I've also noticed that lately, I have worried so much about the future. Being proactive in goal making and being aware of the choices I make now will have an impact on where I end up is great, but stressing and obsessing over it has made me less present in the work I am doing right now and time just sighs at me. Like Natalie, take a deep breath and chill.
As much as I would love to say that my stress about the future will disappear—it won't. However, I have learned to cope with waiting and being patient; I am appreciating what I got now and putting in the work I'm passionate about, which has made me more so grounded.
You think now you are waiting for something bigger, better, higher, but I can tell you that what you have now is probably just as great. The joy is in the being. I think that honest work and passion prevail. What you do now with your time will be all worth it when you see just how far you come. With that, there are going to be great things ahead, so don't fear the unknown.
"Patience, young grasshopper,"- Master Po, Kung Fu
No one chooses to be uncomfortable, but more and more I am finding myself in uncomfortable positions in all aspects of life: in yoga, academically, socially, mentally, etc. Our comfort bubbles are what we are so used to being in that sometimes I feel like I need to be forced out of it. Transitioning to college was a huge uncomfortable phase and I'm sure there are more to come.
So, how do we tackle this discomfort? It could be from just an icky feeling in your gut or an overall sense of despair and fear. I still do yoga and am continuing this journey of discomfort in all of the poses I do and have done for the past five years. Today, my instructor taught us about embracing our fears—embracing this discomfort we are feeling and to let it go. Mind over matter.
I already know that this year and the upcoming school year will be very crucial times for me to get focused on my future. However, I'm taking up big leadership roles with a couple groups I'm in like Her Campus DePaul and PRSSA. I will be the president of Her Campus next year, and while I am very excited to be leading this amazing group of female writers, I'm already apprehensive about how much work I will be stressing over.
Sometimes the biggest things we want cause the most discomfort, more than you know. I guess worrying about it now doesn't do any good, but I'm always thinking a year ahead of everybody else. My life would be so much easier if I didn't care too much about things, so I brought this topic up because I'm sure I'm not alone.
It could also be my Leo/Virgo personality taking over, but I really think there has to be a time when we all just get comfortable being uncomfortable in all types of situations. I'll be going to Europe in a month (OMG) and literally have no idea what to expect. I know it will be great and I know I'm in a great group of people, but there are still a lot of things I don't know about where I'm headed.
In times like these, I think it's best to take a step back and just appreciate everything that's coming your way—good or bad. There's always a lesson to be learned and room to grow. Maybe you're headed to an interview, audition, getting a promotion, traveling, taking an exam, whatever it may be! I know that I got through it, so you can too. Enjoy it while it's good.
It's rare for me to talk about my relationship status, but over the course of a few months I have experienced through close friends and family the hardships of broken relationships and people left feeling empty and hopeless—something I have really yet to experience and hope not to. There's so much pressure on young people to be dating and out and about finding a man or woman to have on your arm. What even is dating anymore? Swiping right?
I've had my fair share of Tinder experiences and dates, this probably won't be the end of it, but it has really made me reconsider the reasons we date and find people to be with nowadays. High school was never an option for me to date. I personally just didn't have much interest in dating and then breaking up before we graduated. "People just date to break up," was my impression of it all. It was just so taboo to me because people would just fake be together to "be together".
Now that I'm in my second year of college, I've got to wondering about how my parent's generation just happened to meet their soulmates in college, because frankly, I haven't found any contenders. Times have changed and I think expectations are way higher, now that we can customize our dating preferences online and immediately swipe away the duds. How have we become fixated on finding this "perfect one," when we're all too fixated on making ourselves appear to be the "perfect one" online?
These past two years in college have opened my eyes to what I really want moving forward, socially and career-wise. I've begun to embrace my autonomy and have become more inspired because of it. I've been producing creative work that I believe in—doing that is hard when you have to worry about your significant other. There have been so many instances that I've noticed people being hindered and cut off from fully being their monarch butterfly selves just because they were afraid of releasing from that bond (or crysallis if we're staying on the topic of butterflies) for a moment to do something they themselves wanted to do.
Knowing that I have the freedom to do whatever the hell I want during this period of my life has not only strengthened my mental wellbeing but the way I approach challenges and also when I do meet new people, I'm confident in myself. I don't have anyone to report to or prove it to, but me. Of course, I would be open to relationships and all the joys that come with it—I'm not anti-dating. Finding myself now, during college, has lead me to reflect on who I want to become and who I would consider letting into my life.
There also comes a point in time where I think every middle-aged person feels like they're forced to marry or settle with the first person they see. What a terrible way to connect with someone! Wouldn't you think? I mean obviously that's not entirely the case unless you're on 90 Day Fiance, then I guess you don't have much of a choice. I want my 20s to be a fun exploration of people and relationships, but I also want to remind myself that I don't need anyone to fulfill some social need or standard; that we're all just supposed to have dated a lot of people by the time we're thirty.
Hello April! The month we've all been waiting for and a busy month at that. There is a lot in store for me this month as I'm now looking at my calendar and there seems to be a mark on each day for me. It's the first day back to school and while I've had a very relaxing spring break visiting family, painting Bob Ross, and rejuvenating my calamity in the country side, I'm glad to be back in the city. I think everyone gets a bit antsy this time of year with the sun teasing us with rays and a fresh spring start.
01. One of the things that I have been trying to focus on is this blog and creating content that I'm proud of; that isn't the clichè fashion blogger type posts. I have noticed that I am getting more into lifestyle posts, or at least my tags say so, because I connect with this type of writing more. I have also been needing to take my camera out a bit, I've hidden it away out of pure laziness and a lack of motivation to edit all my photos and I just can't use that excuse because I love my camera and the photos I take on it.
02. The winter slum is over and that means I need to revamp the way I present myself. Not for anyone, but me, myself, and I. I got very comfortable wearing sweats and Uggs, but sometimes I wish I had the same fashion motivation to take the extra effort, wake up early, and actually add some things to my morning regime. I would say that my daily regime is very low maintenence, but when I do give myself the time, I feel more productive, confident, and an overall sense of "I can do this today," just because I wore jeans or swiped a coat of mascara on.
03. I don't know if I formally announced, but I will be studying abroad this summer in Europe and this quarter I start my class that coincides with the course. I will be studying international advertising with sixteen other DePaul students who we work with during the quarter. I will be visitng three countries: France, Spain, and The Netherlands for three weeks building my portfolio and conducting team projects while I'm there exploring the culture and gaining a global perspective of the ad industry. This will be my first time leaving the country and I am so excited to be going. I am not sure how I feel about advertising, since my focus is public relations, but having knowledge in both areas will be more than beneficial for my future in the industry.
04. When I'm not focusing on my blog or school work, I have been very involved in two student organizations at DePaul: Her Campus Media and DePaul PRSSA. I believe that I have mentioned these in the past, but recently I got the opportunity to not only edit for Her Campus, but become one of their social media content creators. This quarter I have had a really fun time playing around with designs for our new flyers and media posts—something I've always kind of loved. Her Campus is mainly an online college run magazine for students to openly express themselves, so being a part of the process and seeing all of the work being done is amazing.
PRSSA has also brought me onto their executive board this year and we start our first meetings this quarter. This is something that is really important to me professionally and socially. All of the people and connections I've made have been so worthwhile—we're like a big family. It's amazing to see how much talent there is. I will be recruiting new members into the organization and one of my responsibilities is to handle the fall involvement fair.
05. What's next on the agenda for me is finding an internship to do when I come back this summer. I know it may be a little early to do so, but you can never be too early job searching. I have all the resources I need at school, it's just getting it done and meeting with people to talk more about my options. I really have to tackle the search with an open mind, otherwise I'll be frantically looking for internships next year. I've found that a lot of people luck out on internships because they know a specific person who works for this specific company—it can be very intimidating when everyone around you is a step ahead. So, my goal for this month is to really hone down my search and reach out to my career center to get a head start. Experience is experience, so who knows what might happen?
April is one of those months when everyone is getting back from their exotic spring break vacations (or stay-cations) and turning their heads back to work and getting things done before summer starts. For me, it's a time of busy-busy and opportunity. I just have to keep my mind focused on things I want to work towards without comparing it to others—remaining authentic. I have a lot of promising things ahead of me and it will be important to remember that. What's on your to-do list for April?
I think that was the world's longest January ever. Not to mention the coldest. If you weren't aware of the polar vortex that was happening practically everywhere throughout the US, well Chicago went sub-zero and had a -50-degree windchill. Then it went 100 degrees warmer and I've experienced some whacky Chicago winters, but this one tops the cake.
I'm sure you're sick of hearing about the weather, but us midwesterners are fascinated. January seems to slump a lot of people, especially because it's frigid and everyone is trying to get back into the swing of things. I've found it really hard to transition back into my routine, but I'm trying as hard as I can to keep up with school!
Everyone I know is looking forward to sunnier and brighter days. While I hate pushing my life away and forgetting about the past months, it really feels refreshing to turn the calendar and start over. Here's what I might be doing this month...
01. While I have been really getting back into study mode, I haven't put my blog on the back burner. As you might have noticed, I have a new and improved look! I've been trying to develop a theme over the past month that I really like and I think what I'm doing will suffice. It's mainly finding the right editing filters and designs that I want to maintain across all my platforms. So far, I am quite pleased with how it all looks and am excited for what new content I will create within the next month.
02. My dad and I are going to see Panic! At the Disco this month and I cannot tell you enough how excited I am for it. I have been a passionate fan and listener for a few years now and sometimes I forget how much fun I have at concerts.
This year I would love to plan to go to more concert outings or like music festivals. Thankfully, since I live in the city and am so close to so many smaller concert venues, I'm able to catch some of my favorite smaller bands that come to town. One of the major perks of going to school in Chicago.
03. I am an active member of my schools Public Relations Student Society (PRSSA) which is a pre-professional organization that public relations or communications students (and all students for that matter) can partake in. Recently, I just applied to be one of their e-board members that control their content creation and blog, which I have also written for here if you are interested.
I have really enjoyed what I have been able to participate in so far with the group and the friends that I have already made because of it. It's really not easy trying to find your niche in college and sometimes you just have to apply yourself and be open to opportunities. PRSSA has taught me that being present and showing up will make all the difference for yourself professionally. It has also been a great way for me to actually step inside the industry and get real experience from PR professionals. So, let's hope I get the position.
04. I've been keeping up with yoga and continuing with it ever since sophomore year, but the repetition and same vinyasa flows have been making me a little bored, to be honest. As much as I love it, I need to switch things up a bit with my fitness routine. Just this last week I tried out a boxing boot camp, that killed my arms, but made me even more motivated to use different parts of my body I never thought could get sore.
05. The last major thing I want to accomplish this month is my mentality. I have no plans for Valentine's Day and I feel like this is the time of year when everyone wishes there was someone in their life and they just get sad. I've spent many Valentine's Days alone and they're really not that bad. I don't buy into all of the hearts and chocolate crap anyway.
Besides worrying about my relationship status, there are a lot of worse scenarios that I could think of that don't effect me right now, so I need to remind myself that my problems now are miniscule compared to what I might be facing a month, year, or five years from now. I need to enjoy this time I have (sounds like I'm dying). I can assure you I am alive and thriving, but there will undoubtedly be good and bad days. What's on your February to-do list?
Besides worrying about my relationship status, there are a lot of worse scenarios that I could think of that don't effect me right now, so I need to remind myself that my problems now are miniscule compared to what I might be facing a month, year, or five years from now. I need to enjoy this time I have (sounds like I'm dying). I can assure you I am alive and thriving, but there will undoubtedly be good and bad days. What's on your February to-do list?
It's that time of winter in mid-January when the temperature starts to plummet and the forecast is snowstorm after snowstorm. Over MLK weekend, which was a four day weekend for me, I decided to go back home to regroup after being at school for about two weeks now. It's convenient enough for me to take the trains home and I wanted to beat the snowstorm headed our way in the Midwest. Suffice to say, it was a relaxing and a rather eventful weekend. I have some friends back home, so out of spontaneity we went laser tagging.
I wanted to express my overwhelming feeling that a lot of people get this time of the year when life picks back up again, but you're still in vacation mode and the back of your mind wishes you were snuggled up in your bed with your pup or hanging out with all of your closest friends back home. It is so hard being comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Especially since I only live 20 miles away from home. Living on my own has been a challenge and I'm not afraid to say that I've also been homesick. Luckily, I can get nannying jobs back home with my families so it allows me to stay overnight or on the weekend sometimes. However, I get this huge feeling of guilt like I can't do it on my own. Everyone else is able to go away to college for 10+ weeks without seeing their family and pets, and I can't last two weeks. It's been an internal struggle at times. I will get so focused on school and then all of a sudden I just get a wave of loneliness and discomfort.
My best friend is studying for about four or five months in London right now and I just can't think of what feelings she has gone through this past couple of weeks. There are things I want to do, like study abroad in Europe this summer, and I know I can do it, but if I'm going to want to lead the life I want, I'm going to have to find ways to keep myself going.
Not only do I need to slow down my thoughts and worries, but I also need to remember where I am. Especially since I am in a great place right now in school and in my life. This is the time where I have to make most of my college experience and take it all in. I forget that sometimes. The hard life isn't here yet and the realization probably won't hit me until I walk the stage. At times when I get into this feeling of guilt, loneliness, and like my life isn't as planned out as I hoped, I try to distract myself and focus on things that are important and release me from these feelings.
Whether that be writing it all down, so that I can at least document this feeling for later, but share with people that they're not in it alone either. I also make it important to talk to people and friends, watch a movie or show, read, finish homework, listen to music, or something that makes you tired enough. I even enjoy meeting up to study or face timing my other college friends to check in on them, too. I've noticed that I feel these bad feelings late at night—nights are the worst I've concluded.
When we're alone, in our own rooms, stuck with our thoughts, no one to talk to, we obsess and digress into a state of gloom. So, when there are times that the darkness consumes you late at night, remember where you are, who in your life supports you and cares about you, what great things you've accomplished thus far, and blow away the negative thought clouds that make you sad and regretful. There's no need for them because you can't control the past and you can't dwell on the future. I've taken time to get back into an actual routine and sometimes I forget about blogging and haven't felt very motivated to take more pictures for it or plan posts, and I think it's okay.
I'm trying to find a pace that works for me. I've worked very hard these past two years and dealing with college can be a lot at times. I might just post once a week, or two if I feel like it. I don't want to hold myself accountable for taking breaks and going home if I want to. This guilt is only affecting me and one of the reasons I chose a school so close to home is so that I can go home when I want to. I can't force myself at times when I'm feeling low and sad. There are things I want to achieve while I'm at school and I can't do it all alone.
Over the years, my writing and blogging process has definitely evolved. Probably for the better, but I definitely don't have it down to a T yet. My creative process is a bit all over the place sometimes, to be honest. Not only does drafting posts take a while, but setting aside time to take all of my photos is something I've come to hassle with on occasion. The beginning of my blog journey consisted of crappy iPhone pictures and one sentence descriptions that lacked any substance or personality whatsoever. So, I think I've come along way and I've definitely never shared what this process is even like and how I balance everything else I do.
It amazes me that I've stuck to a Tuesday/Thursday posting schedule for the past four years, giving myself breaks, taking my own photos, and coming up with personal and enticing content (or at least I think it's enticing). Being a blogger among millions of other bloggers has shed light on what kind of creative industry this is and what I want to make of it. Comparing myself to all of the "pretty perfect" and aesthetically-strict blogs have taught me that I just want to maintain authenticity and realness with my writing and content, as I have been for a while now.
I really haven't had a second thought about followers or numbers because the success and gratification have come through my own improvement and the small joys I get from people who reach out to me about my work. That's what keeps me going and I think that's truly what differentiates me from all of those other content plug and chuggers who crave superficial popularity and money because I don't get paid at all. I know it may seem a little harsh, but I think now more than ever that criticism deems true. I've met bloggers who don't do it for the right reasons: fame, fortune, popularity, all that crap. However, I've also met hardworking and dedicated creators like me who do it because they love it and get more out of it than just the numbers.
As for my writing process, it usually starts with something as mundane and old school as scratching out rough drafts of posts I want to write in advance. Sometimes I get inspiration out of the blue for a post to write and I will create it right away, but a lot of what I plan on writing is prepared in advance. This just helps me so that I am not overwhelmed with a lot of writing and brainstorming during school. I've found this process more efficient and not as stressful as many other bloggers might, it just works. A lot of what influences my posts are just things relevant to me at the time and surrounding circumstances like seasons and big events that are going on. I've definitely hit rock bottom with figuring out exactly what I want to say or do with posts, but other times I'm on a writing spree and will just hash out material back and forth.
I am my own writer, editor, publisher, photographer, fact checker, and blog designer. I don't hire anyone and don't really have the means to do so. Since my blog is out of a hobby, I don't feel the need to put so much money or extra help into the process. I think the fact that I actually do everything gives me a lot more freedom and personality that some blogs who are run by more than one person lack identity. I have considered blogging as being a part of my job someday, but I'm honestly more okay with it just being a passionate hobby and having my job compliment it in some way.
I have goals I would like to reach professionally in public relations and blogging has definitely contributed in that aspect. A lot of my writing is done in my "soft office," also known as, my bed. As I'm writing this now in my bed with my pup at my feet, I've also done a lot of writing in my dorm room on my desk, in my local libraries, coffee shops, and even in the car on my iPhone. Thankfully, my creative juices have been flowing a lot lately and I think that's mainly because I'm on break and make myself really productive.
I'll be honest, I wish I could develop better photography skills and improve on more ways to take advantage of all the tools I have on my DSLR, but I just can't seem to figure it out. I really would like to get a new lens for my Canon T5i that I've had since I've started blogging and somehow change the look of my posts or create a new theme somehow. My skill in photoshop is really limited and my access to it is only when I'm at school. I've always liked my raw photos, but think my blog could use a little more color and uniformity. Maybe I should take more photo classes, who knows! I just need to take my camera out more.
I guess a lot of blogs benefit from the perfected photos, but it just never appealed to me. Even if there are like little marks on the table I take flat lays on, I just don't feel the need to fix it. Who cares? A lot of bloggers would. For my flat lays in particular, I literally just use my side table and push it over to my window. I did used to use a piece of wood with marble contact paper, but overtime didn't like the look of the gloss. I considered getting professional box lighting, but natural light just always attracts me more and my pictures turn out a lot better. I usually have to wake up earlier around like 9 or 10am to just make sure that the sun is alligned right, it all matters! If I try taking pictures around 3 or 4, I'd be lucky if there was any sunlight because it gets dark so early. I'm also usually standing on a chair when I take photos and there are products and decor sitting all over my room.
Blogging has definitely filled the creative void in my life. I miss all of my art classes, but I learn so much from my blog itself. The writing, photography, and blog designing all contribute to my need of creativity. I've also noticed more and more that I'm writing for myself—I mean that I'm not just creating posts that I think readers would like, buying products to just simply review and hype up, but I'm writing about things that I feel are important and relevant to address or question. Yes, I have been doing some beauty and fashion related posts, but a lot of my friends have noticed my personal and more upfront writing to be more favorable.
As I've always mentioned, I'm constantly changing and evolving as I grow and learn with this blog and in this community of writers and readers. The most important thing I remind myself with is that I do this because I love it and continue to thrive from it. It isn't forced at all and I haven't put pressure on myself to look or seem a certain way. I go my own pace and in that, I think my blog and writing benefits so much. It's everyone that constantly supports me that tells me I'm doing something right.
"The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let the dead things go." -Anonymous
One of the most redeeming qualities of fall is the ability to start over. So much has happened this year, good and bad, but knowing that you get a reset button is the most humbling and refreshing feeling. It's a warm hug from the universe. Anything you think is going wrong in your life at the moment will work itself out in the future and everything will be at peace.
We hold onto relationships, grudges, memories, stress, and everything else. Nobody is telling us what is and what isn't important to hold onto. Having a chance to reflect and remember is great, but dwelling on the past and what is out of our control will only serve pain and regret.
A lot of the times I try to take control of things. I think many people can relate to that and we all do it subconsciously. We all want what's best for ourselves and in some ways, it can be a really great thing. Taking initiative and going after things is never bad. However, when we try to take more than what we can handle, it becomes chaotic and stress-inducing.
At least I've noticed that so many people, like me, are in fifty places at once all the time—nonstop. It's great to have momentum in your life, but when there are thoughts that pinch your nerves and make you have many double-takes, your mind can really mess things up.
Just these past couple of weeks I was having basically an existential crisis. The fact that I'm almost halfway done with college is a scary thought. Me trying to make every moment count tries to overachieve and put many things on my plate all at once. The anxiety that comes from it is not worth it. I've realized worrying about things out of my control just makes life more difficult than it needs to be. The smaller things that bug me won't affect me in a week, month, or year from now; it's something I forget constantly. This season has definitely brought me great insight as to who I want to be and what I need to focus more and less on.
It's not an easy thing to do. When so much is happening to you all at once, I know that trying to find a sense of release and content is not always ideal. For me, this feeling comes in phases and different times of the year depending on what's happening in my life. I've noticed that the best things that have happened to me came out of nowhere when I wasn't looking or expecting them too. It's like when all is good and I'm more to myself doing things I love, others around me reflect that and things tend to work themselves out.
I find that when I release those dwelling thoughts and obligations, I can take my best foot forward and move onto the next best thing. That's all we can hope and there's no better way of looking at it like that. Finding ways to improve from your past, acknowledging it, and never looking back or second-guessing yourself. Life can be so much simpler. I promise.
"Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be."- Sonia Ricotti
I'm already halfway into college and I'm still fathoming reasons I made it through high school and how that all even happened. I had one of the most positive roller coaster rides in high school and managed to survive and experience as many things as I possibly could. Two years later, and I don't know what the hell I'm doing or would like to do yet, but that's okay because it all works out in the end. Or so we hope.
I spent half of my high school career wondering what my purpose was and the other half wondering what my purpose was going to be when I graduated. What I was going to do and where I was going to go. High school stressed me out the most sophomore and senior year. Mainly because I didn't make the softball team and I was waiting on a scholarship I heard back from a week after I graduated. So, you can say things got a lil crazy in my mind. And now my youngest sister is going to graduate this year and I thought this would be a nice post for her to look at (if she even dares to).
There are some things I wish were put into perspective for me before I left for college, but gradually I managed to figure these out on my own. Even if you aren't going off to college, maybe these help remind you that there are some things we need to accept in life. I'm going to be honest here and say that there will be difficult things that happen to us in this transition and you will be okay.
You are Going to Get Through It
In high school and in college, you are going to have bad days. You might get a D on a paper, you will get lost, you may feel stranded at school, you will want to come home everyday when you can't, you will miss your family, but it is all going to be just fine. There is someone there supporting you and ready to listen to you whenever you need. These little obstacles will pass and you will find a sunnier day ahead.
The Little Things Do Not Matter
You will stress over a group project, worry about how you're going to eat in the dining hall alone, not have best friends right away, or any other small stress that might bug you. You cannot let yourself sweat the small things because they will not serve you in the future week, month, or year from now.
You Will Lose Friends
You are going to lose high school friends and that's just a part of everybody leaving home and growing up. You need to know that not everyone is going to "stay in touch" with you forever. While it is easy to Snapchat and all that with your friends, it will never be the same as meeting up in the lunchroom everyday and having that same group of people to talk to. Your entire friend sphere will change and you will have to accept a new diversity of people into your life because college is all about new perspectives.
The College You Choose Does Not Matter
Any college you end up choosing will give you the education and experience you want no matter what because it is what you ultimately make of it. My college experience so far has taught me to see the world differently more than high school ever did and I want you to not worry about the superficial things such as the college you pick or the fun parties everyone else is going to. There is so much more to college.
Not Knowing Your Path is Okay
You are going to get confused and feel like everyone else knows where they're headed. You can't think this. The way we compare ourselves to others gets the best of us and distracts us from what we need to focus on in our own lives. The more we worry about others, the less we achieve. Why put that much pressure on yourself?
You Will Have Regrets
You are going to second guess yourself at times. You will ask yourself if you could have done things differently in high school and made other choices in college. You might regret not auditioning for something, putting in more work for an exam, or all of the above. Worrying about what happened and what could have happened is not entirely in your control.
You Will Fail
You are going to totally not understand a chapter and completely bomb a quiz or a test. However, using these failures as growth will only help you succeed. Accept failure, but don't get discouraged from it.
Money Does Not Always Leave You in College
I thought that I was going to be broke my entire time at college, but there are many ways you can generate money throughout college that made me feel financially secure enough. Budgeting and taking note of expenses for one thing will help you not blow all your money, but finding an on-campus job, babysitting on the weekends, or selling clothes online are great ways to make extra cash. Your wallet can survive if you are smart about it.
You Will Feel Alone at Times
It is going to feel totally scary and awkward when most of your days are without the normal crew of people you see and talk to. You will not be with your best friends and you are going to feel like there is no one around to be your friend. In reality, everyone is in the same boat looking for someone to eat with, talk to, and to feel less uncomfortable with at school. Say hi to someone, but also embrace getting to know yourself more by yourself. College is about learning to be alone with your thoughts.
People are There to Help and Support You
No one just hands you the batan and says, "you're on your own forever". You have a family back home that loves you and a school of advisors and professors that are there to help you and to make your college experience worthwhile. There is no penalty for asking for help. No one will make fun of you. No one is going to judge you. Do not feel embarrased for being homesick. It takes time to adjust and you are not in it by yourself.
Emily, I hope you have a wonderful senior year and I know you will succeed in your college adventure to come. Things will come and go, challenges will arise, but great things are going to come out of it all. You are smart, beautiful, and strong enough to tackle anything and everything you set your mind to. I love you derp.
Your big sis,
Natalie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Social Icons