Showing posts with label lovely things. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lovely things. Show all posts
As I manage to control and limit my Sex and the City binge obsession, I'm starting to wonder about the bond that Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha, and Miranda have and cease to break—it seems as though no matter what guy has come into their lives, what type of financial or job situation they're in, or how much sex they have for that matter, friendship ceases to dissolve and only grows stronger as the show goes on and much is experienced. Of course, no one's life is as crazy as Carrie's, structured as Charlotte's, demanding as Miranda's, or as "open" as Samantha's, but despite these differences, they all seem to rely and depend on one another like any girl gang would.
For that, I have been inspired to thank those who have touched my life and have stuck with me. Ever since I was little, making friends didn't come easily to me, but I was already okay with some of the closest friends I had. It was much simpler, friend-making, and I think that was mainly because no one gave a crap about who you were or what you looked like.
I was fortunate enough when I moved into my house 15 years ago and lived next door to two of my best friends, Ellie and Alyssa. We had the luxury of being able to live right next to each other, so that meant long days and nights never leaving each other's sides until one of our moms told us it was time to go—then we'd just show up for breakfast the next day. It was memories of running to and from each other's houses, endless games of ghost and the graveyard, summer bonfires, producing plays, sleepovers, vacations, and having that close neighbor bond that not many people get or experience. We're all in college, so there's only so much time left until we all part ways and continue on our lives. Yet our friendship remains and only grows stronger as we all go through new experiences and hit more obstacles along the way.
What I've realized is that it's okay to have friends for one time in your life and move onto different friends in new chapters. To be honest, I don't really talk to anyone I was close with in high school. Not that anything really happened, but you grow apart from people. The few people that I am still closest to, including Ellie and Alyssa, are those that live the farthest away from me. In fact, I think I am closer to them than ever even though we lived 20 feet away from each other growing up.
Friendship requires effort, trust, distance, closeness, consideration, acceptance, and many other things. I've learned throughout many relationships with people that the easiest way to hold onto someone is by support and release. I've tried latching onto people, changing my perceptions, following the crowd, and have only noticed that friendships suffer. I've lost friends because of this; not because I wanted to change them, but I forced friendships. I thought everyone was gonna stick by my side and the next thing you know, they get bored of you and move on.
Now that I'm grown up and am able to deconstruct this mindset, I've come to terms with the type of friend that I want to be and let that decide who stays and who doesn't. I know that I can rely on my close friends, I can confide in them with anything, trust that they will understand where I'm coming from, put me in my place when I'm thinking out of control, reassure me that everything is going to be okay, laugh at all my lame ass puns, send me memes on Instagram at 3 in the morning, talk to me on the phone for hours, and accept me at my best and my worst.
The thing is, making new friends as an adult does not come easily, especially in college when it feels like elementary school again. I'm fairly social, yeah, but I'm also not the type of person to just walk up and become best friends with someone I've just met. Surprisingly, that happens, but it takes longer for me to trust people and that's something I have come to deal with throughout my childhood and teenage years.
Everything I have dealt with has always been bearable when I knew I had my people. My people know who they are and those that have just entered my life are in for a journey. Friendship is gushy and mushy, filled with laughter and love, and is something I would never want to give up for anything.
I love you all.
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As the holiday season transitions into school season, I want to say hello to the new year and goodbye to the last. My prolonged break was way overdue and I had a nice time off with family and friends. It was a chance for me to reset before I take on new beginnings. As I sit here and write this on my unmade bed, I'm finding it hard to know where exactly to start—a lot has happened in 2018. Good and bad.
I finished my first year of college which was surprisingly fast. Now that I'm starting the second quarter of my sophomore year, I'm going in more confident and reassured that this winter is going to be a good one. With all the gross weather Chicago brings in the next coming months, I need to keep focused, stay motivated, and remain warm! It gets to the negatives people! With that said, I'm trying to take advantage of all the opportunities I can and I want to make sure I get a little more out of my comfort zone. Traveling a lot this past year alone has taught me a lot about myself and what I'm like independently and how I can adapt to certain situations.
I learned a lot about myself in 2018, but I'm ready for what the new year will bring. I worried way too much last year, I dwelled on little things that never mattered, I forced things to happen, and I blurred out the most important things that truly matter. This year is a new slate. Resolutions aren't really my thing but acknowledging growth and change are. Here are some things I would like to work on this year:
01. My Anxiety and Constant Worry
This is always a big one I want to work on because it's always there. No matter what my anxiety thinks, it will never go away. It can be controlled. This year I want to be aware of the bad thoughts and let them pass more often. Either by continuing yoga and a well-rounded routine, I know that I have come to manage my mentality a lot more. However, it seems as though I can never just be content with where I am or what I'm doing. I spend so much time obsessing over what could have happened and what will that I don't enjoy now. So, when moments like that arise, I want to be more aware that I need to keep my eyes on the present and find the good things more than anything.
02. My Perfective Nature
With constant worry and anxiety comes a need to be everything I want to be and have everything I want to be perfect. Now I'm not like someone who has to constantly fix one little imperfection after the next but in my mind, I envision ways things should be. Either by my own idea of how it can be or the people on the internet who tell me I'm not living up to standards. There are so many comparisons and self-evaluations in us that can really sway our ability to appreciate what we already have and what is good. Rather than thinking, I need this specific "thing", time is much better thinking about the great friends and family in my life that are more important than anything materialistic or superficial.
03. Internet Habits
I'd say over the past few months, my social media habits have been lower than normal. Unfortunately, there are times I still get sucked into the social media scrolling trap and am sucked in like most. I have noticed though that I'm not as "perfect" with my posts. Surprise, surprise. I've tended to care less about pimples or wearing the right clothes in pictures. Sharing moments that are the most real to me and not giving a crap about what people think or how many people see it is something not many people are capable of doing these days. I have about 270 followers on Instagram, due to my hacking, and I could care less if I'm short of 1000 whatever people I don't even know. I may be a blogger, I may be savvy online, but sacrificing authenticity and realness for it is not something I plan on doing.
04. Moderation of Things
I really push myself to stay productive and hold myself to schedules and routines. I don't give myself leeway to be flexible and to relax as much. I'm always my best when I have things to do, so this break really made me adjust to not having due dates and deadlines or a million other things I have to do. I want to be able to let myself take a break, have a sleep-in day, get ice cream and pizza when I want to, and don't hold myself back from buying things I want. I resist a lot from the things that might make my life a bit more enjoyable because, well, they cost a lot, might make me fat, or make me even more guilty and undeserving. I've decided that living a life of restriction is something I will not thrive with. If I want a pair of $50 shoes, I'm gonna get them. I know that I save money, can find a means of making it, and shouldn't live my life worrying about whether or not I am going to regret it later when I could have spent the money on textbooks. Textbooks.
05. My Purpose of Doing
Sometimes I find it hard to really think about the reasons we all do things—selfishly or on a more global scale. One example is my writing. I realize that I don't reach a very large audience probably because I'm not insanely savvy or social media popular enough to have one, but more than ever have I been a fan of the content I'm creating. I was really unhappy with the way I was plugging and chugging content just to meet a schedule. So, thinking back to the reason I write and why I want to share personal endeavors and rants with you all is something that brings me release and is actually very therapeutic. If I'm uninspired and tired, I find that I just make my worst work ever and probably should wait until I hit that spark again and get back on my feet. Breaks are necessary because then I'm mindlessly doing things without any purpose or without value. I want to take this year to put my focus and effort into things that bring me purpose and value—even if I don't feel like it one day I don't want that to discourage me.
Here are some smaller aims...
-Travel abroad
-Redesign my blog
-Try out a barre gym class
-Run more
-Drink more water
-Have more girl time
-Be present
-Buy more investment pieces
-Read more books (granted I read 4 this break!)
-Write for quality
-Take more photos with my camera
-Delve into my passions
-Get out of my comfort zone
-Try new foods
-Socialize more
I know I'm not perfect, but the new year is promising and having goals set is a lot more gratifying and motivating to me. I want to make blogging this next year a lot better and focused than the last. While I wish I had thousands of people reading, I know that continuing to do what I love will be the biggest payoff.
It's hard to keep a steady mind with everything else that's going on around us, but I think self-reflection is necessary for us to keep going and growing as human beings. I have faith in the new beginnings and chapters that this year may lead and am looking forward to a fresh start. As I transition back into the swing of things, patience please, I am planning a lot of more great things to come!
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L-O-V-E. The word we all want to hear and the word that has us all completely confused and throwing our shit. Now, I don't normally talk about love—as many people don't—I just never felt like I could fully understand it enough to know what I love and who I love. Of course, I love my family, that's just a given regardless. However, the way we give love, receive it, reject it, and all of its forms has had me thinking a lot lately. You know, some people make it their goal to find love when love is already all around them. Our society has developed this idea that love is something we have to have at a certain point in our lives; you know to marry, make babies, and have a grand 'ol time? Well, the time has changed and love is changing, too. Especially our ideas of it.
I want to disclaim that my growing and evolving "love story" is really new and I'm just learning as much as anyone else is about it. With that said, I've made it a point to be a bit vulnerable because talking about love is something that takes an open heart and I'm ready to share my thoughts with all of you. With it being the season of family and friends, the spirit of Christmas has definitely gotten me into the mood and what originally inspired me to write this. You could be rushing around getting last minute gifts or you could be rushing around trying to meet up with all the people that you care about—or both, who knows. All this time off and the holiday spirit definitely sparks a lot of repressed emotion and rekindled hearts that's for sure.
You see, love is everywhere, whether we know it or not. Growing up I always found someone to crush on. There was always some boy that just caught my eye and unfortunately, it became a secret obsession. Not in like a creepy, gross way, but I looked forward to seeing my crushes pretty much every day in class to a point that my heart would sink if they were absent and I couldn't talk to them. You know, loving was so easy back then when you could just openly not give a shit about who or what was affected by it or judged. You could fearlessly walk up to said boy or girl and kiss them on the face and be girlfriend and boyfriend until one of you forgot you were girlfriend and boyfriend. As kids we never overthought situations and screwed up relationships, it was so much simpler.
As a 19-year-old, who has experienced flings and crushes with multiple guys, I'll be honest I really haven't gotten into any serious relationships. In my early elementary and middle school days, I knew I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend. However, I remember how strong I felt about some certain kids. There was one boy that I grew up with and haven't stopped wondering why things never worked out—we were really good friends that liked each other, but maybe my heart was in it more than his. My question is, do you really stop crushing on someone?
I feel like people we attract ourselves to, no matter if we get married to someone else, never really become "unattractive". Say, you see them at like a high school reunion and all the feels come back. Unless they did something remarkably wrong to you, I don't think the feeling really goes away. That back burner feeling of love is something I experience hardcore. When you know you need to move on—there are way more people out there you'll probably meet—but the back of your mind asks you "what if"? What if I did something differently or didn't say something I should have? Some people in your life will do that to you, I don't have a way of fixing it persay, no one really does, but I like to think that these people that strike us at a certain point in our lives are important and won't be forgotten. With all the happy memories or experiences we have with them, they came into our life when we needed them most.
I get the feeling in my gut, when I know I could be putting myself out there more, making moves and meeting people, but parts of me (the cheesy parts) believe that there is this one person that'll come into my life and want to stay. Isn't that what all hopeless romantics want? But, I'm not hopeless is the thing. I have wasted so much time with boys. Yes, there have been great guys that have come into my life at some point (I'm still young folks), but the time I wasted dwelling on them and second-guessing myself sucked and I was blind. I guess that's what the L-word does to yuh.
Don't get me wrong, I'm open to love and desire it. Like many people do. Family and having close friends around me is something I want present in my life all the time, but that also doesn't mean I want to settle for someone just to have it. I've heard that at 30 everyone settles down and just commits to the person they're dating because "time is running out," but I crave a love so honest and true that I will for sure know, no matter my age, that this person is worthy of staying (okay that was hella cheesy). I guess that's what dating is for, and since I've only been on dates, I can't really advocate for a committed relationship. I've made myself guilty for not creating experiences like that; discovering what commitment is like, getting my heart broken in ways that make me so incredibly frustrated or miserable, knowing how to trust and confide in someone, and to just be fully vulnerable and willing to do anything for another person.
A reason for me not dating a ton of boys in my teens probably is from the innate self-respect I give myself. I've lived through my friends' relationships to know that while there are great things that come with relationships and ship-names, there's also a lot of shit that happens. Maybe I've just avoided it all together when I was younger because I knew that I would graduate school and not want to deal with the breakups, or that I just couldn't be happy with one guy, or just never really understood how it all "worked". I also don't think this avoidance and overly self-respected mindset I have comes out of fear. I just know I deserve better. I don't think I was that innocent either, as having an older sister has worked in my benefit, but I got my first kiss this year and it happened just the way I wanted it to. Not forced, not awkward, just great :) And if that guy is reading this, I just want you to know that I'm thankful it was you.
So yeah, as I dreamed I would have many relationships and dating experience, it all kind of started this year. Really fast, too. I get into some really weird stages where I just put myself out there a ton and nothing happens and then when I'm not making the effort, someone just magically appears out of nowhere. It's funny how when you're so focused on yourself and your own groove, someone notices you. Whether it be at a coffee shop, random Tinder match, library, classroom, or anywhere else. It seemed as though when I worried about everyone else around me, nothing I wanted was happening. It was forced and pressured. Something that sounds selfless actually does us a disfavor because when we obsess over trying to control ulterior situations; relationships, families, etc., it actually hinders other people from being able to reach you. Wow, Nat, you're a true philosopher now. No, I just have a lot of emotions and it's really late at night.
As a 19-year-old, who has experienced flings and crushes with multiple guys, I'll be honest I really haven't gotten into any serious relationships. In my early elementary and middle school days, I knew I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend. However, I remember how strong I felt about some certain kids. There was one boy that I grew up with and haven't stopped wondering why things never worked out—we were really good friends that liked each other, but maybe my heart was in it more than his. My question is, do you really stop crushing on someone?
I feel like people we attract ourselves to, no matter if we get married to someone else, never really become "unattractive". Say, you see them at like a high school reunion and all the feels come back. Unless they did something remarkably wrong to you, I don't think the feeling really goes away. That back burner feeling of love is something I experience hardcore. When you know you need to move on—there are way more people out there you'll probably meet—but the back of your mind asks you "what if"? What if I did something differently or didn't say something I should have? Some people in your life will do that to you, I don't have a way of fixing it persay, no one really does, but I like to think that these people that strike us at a certain point in our lives are important and won't be forgotten. With all the happy memories or experiences we have with them, they came into our life when we needed them most.
I get the feeling in my gut, when I know I could be putting myself out there more, making moves and meeting people, but parts of me (the cheesy parts) believe that there is this one person that'll come into my life and want to stay. Isn't that what all hopeless romantics want? But, I'm not hopeless is the thing. I have wasted so much time with boys. Yes, there have been great guys that have come into my life at some point (I'm still young folks), but the time I wasted dwelling on them and second-guessing myself sucked and I was blind. I guess that's what the L-word does to yuh.
Don't get me wrong, I'm open to love and desire it. Like many people do. Family and having close friends around me is something I want present in my life all the time, but that also doesn't mean I want to settle for someone just to have it. I've heard that at 30 everyone settles down and just commits to the person they're dating because "time is running out," but I crave a love so honest and true that I will for sure know, no matter my age, that this person is worthy of staying (okay that was hella cheesy). I guess that's what dating is for, and since I've only been on dates, I can't really advocate for a committed relationship. I've made myself guilty for not creating experiences like that; discovering what commitment is like, getting my heart broken in ways that make me so incredibly frustrated or miserable, knowing how to trust and confide in someone, and to just be fully vulnerable and willing to do anything for another person.
A reason for me not dating a ton of boys in my teens probably is from the innate self-respect I give myself. I've lived through my friends' relationships to know that while there are great things that come with relationships and ship-names, there's also a lot of shit that happens. Maybe I've just avoided it all together when I was younger because I knew that I would graduate school and not want to deal with the breakups, or that I just couldn't be happy with one guy, or just never really understood how it all "worked". I also don't think this avoidance and overly self-respected mindset I have comes out of fear. I just know I deserve better. I don't think I was that innocent either, as having an older sister has worked in my benefit, but I got my first kiss this year and it happened just the way I wanted it to. Not forced, not awkward, just great :) And if that guy is reading this, I just want you to know that I'm thankful it was you.
So yeah, as I dreamed I would have many relationships and dating experience, it all kind of started this year. Really fast, too. I get into some really weird stages where I just put myself out there a ton and nothing happens and then when I'm not making the effort, someone just magically appears out of nowhere. It's funny how when you're so focused on yourself and your own groove, someone notices you. Whether it be at a coffee shop, random Tinder match, library, classroom, or anywhere else. It seemed as though when I worried about everyone else around me, nothing I wanted was happening. It was forced and pressured. Something that sounds selfless actually does us a disfavor because when we obsess over trying to control ulterior situations; relationships, families, etc., it actually hinders other people from being able to reach you. Wow, Nat, you're a true philosopher now. No, I just have a lot of emotions and it's really late at night.
The rut of comparison and compulsive obsessing over your relationship status eats you whole. I continue to rethink decisions I've made or never did in my past. I've revisited old friends and it always reveals the same shitty thing I hate—moving on. Yeah, times were great with this one person, but that was ten years ago. Times have changed and that person probably wants to move on as much as you don't. It's cliché, but things happen for a reason. Maybe that one guy didn't deserve you and you just opened up more doors and probably will find an even better dude in like a month, who knows? Why worry so much? I'm no love expert, clearly, but a lot of what I've come to realize is that living in the past does nothing for us and you need to leave that shit where it belongs. Okay, so when do we get to the "loving ourselves first" part?
If you've delved into lovey-dovey self-help books and articles on how to find "true love," there's probably a thing or two about why we can't love someone until we love ourselves first. I mean, we have to know how to live with ourselves for what, 80 or so years? I think loving ourselves is hard. There's a lot to not love about ourselves right? You know, your flaws and all you think about when you look in the mirror every morning? Who doesn't have those thoughts because I would love to know. I have always struggled with my self-perception; who I want to be, what I want to say, look like, who I want to associate with, what I want to learn, what I already know, all of it. Self-reflection is not easy, but acknowledging and observing these thoughts is a start. I don't even know if I "love" myself.
Jen Sincero's self-help book called, You Are a Badass, gives some guidelines as to how someone as badass as yourself can go on living the most badass life. I would highly recommend it to everyone. What struck me the most was that after almost all of her chapters, "love yourself," was repeated over and over. It was a reminder that there's only so much you can do to improve your life, but what it all comes down to is how YOU see yourself and love it for what it is, flaws and shit included. We are always striving for the better, the best, the greatest. We want things we can't have. We are so stuck in the past and the future that we can't appreciate what we've got in the present. Whether it be a lover or not because honey, you were always your own lover. Your mom, dad, sister, brother, dog, best friend, old high school buddies, grandma, third cousin, aunt, uncle, and everyone else present in your life probably loves you as much as you need to love yourself.
Loving yourself looks different to everyone. To me, it means accepting all those bad things that happen to you, acknowledging those that care about you and respecting them, respecting yourself and your body, letting yourself feel emotion and be vulnerable, allowing yourself to let go of what and who doesn't serve you anymore, rewarding yourself for things you should be proud of, knowing that you have the ability to change and grow, and lastly, knowing you don't need no man to make your life "complete". There are more I could list, but I think you get the point by now. This isn't a pep talk for sad, broken hearts. It's for people like me who have so much love to give, but the last person we think of giving it to is ourselves.
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One of the biggest challenges I face in my life is letting the world around me take its lead. There's nothing more constraining than simply allowing the fate of the world ride its course in front of you—it seems so "simple". Yet the greatest things in life come when we least expect it, or at least that's what we're told. The inspiration for this thought comes from a self-help book I read a week ago called You Are A Badass, by Jen Sincero, and she is a badass indeed. The author, speaker, and success coach writes all the ways one can use everything they've got to live one extreme, helluva life; it's advice we all could hear. So, I would highly recommend checking it out. I won't go into full detail about the book itself, but one chapter titled "Remember to Surrender" includes this Eckhart Tolle quote I found striking:
"Surrender to what is. Say "yes" to life and see how life suddenly starts working for you, rather than against you". -Eckhart Tolle
I had to take a step back and think, "do I really say 'no' to a lot of things?". I mean I think a lot of us can agree that there are many times saying "no" is the only practical answer to things, but when opportunities present themselves, do I find myself dismissing them for dumb and profound excuses? Am I not reaching far enough? What are the things I say, do, react that make things harder to achieve? How am I presenting myself and comparing myself to others, why does it affect me so much? Why do I let it?
I am a Control Freak.
Those of you who know me, love me, care about me, talk to me, laugh at me, laugh with me, or anyone who's just seen my room knows I like things a certain way. I'm not a hypertensive drama queen who whines about small, irrelevant details, or I like to tell myself I'm not anyway. My personality wants to make sure that every little thing in my life, emotional and physical, is spick and span so that I can manage to tackle every big thing in my life. If you met me, you would think I'm to myself, but really I'm planning and processing every minute of my life in my head as new information comes in. Oh, the anxiety!
Without a doubt, anxiety fuels this need of perfection and preparation. If I'm not thinking about my future or the effects of the present, I don't know how I can make sure I'm on the "right track" of life. The direction I at least tell myself I'm going in—hell if I knew I would tell you. Little moments in my life have shown this, my parents have seen me go through it when I was trying to apply for college. It was not easy for any of us. I spent hours and hours perfecting my application, days spent emailing scholarship and financial aid offices, dragging my parents into more stress about which college I was going to, pulling my hair out after being waitlisted for a deciding scholarship, and finally finding out that I had gotten it for my number one school, DePaul, a week after I graduated high school. While yes, everything worked out, I persisted an immense amount because I knew I wanted it. However, I knew, in the end, I would be going to any great college. I definitely wasted a lot of my senior year in dread about it.
There are so many things in my life that I don't let go of: where I'm studying, how much money I have, how much money I don't have, who my friends are, what friends I've lost, family I haven't seen in forever, jobs, my purpose, and every existential crisis you could think of, I've probably thought about. I realize that my worries are not similar to many, because there's a lot of bad happening in the world, and also that I can't control everything in my life or the world itself.
Hands-Off Mode.
Obviously, there are things that you can control, like your motivation and persistence to find a job, the effort you put into that job, etc. However, when it seems like all of my force and energy is pushed onto millions of things or one big thing in my life, I live less. I find those moments unenjoyable and just exhausting. Why do I do it then? Well, for one thing, I really like to fulfill passions and expectations. I know people expect great things of me, so why settle? I make myself bite off more than I can chew because I thrive on it. I also suck at it because I dig myself into a big self-deprecating hole of doubt and comparison.
So, with reading this self-help book, How to Be A Badass, it has become clear to me that taking my hands off the steering wheel sometimes is in my best interest. As I sit on my bed now, petting my oh-so-space-generous golden retriever that is literally taking up my half of the bed, I am deciding now that maybe living a "go with the flow" kinda life might seem like the perfect ideal. Not worrying about what comes next, but enjoying the small moments you have now. Yeah, I've already awed and ooed about presence in other posts and all that, everything my yoga instructors instruct me, whatever my parents confide in me, and every Tumblr post in between—I know don't listen to myself when I need to the most.
Taking my Own Advice.
It's really not easy listening to my own advice. "Read your blog posts, Nat. You already know what you need to do," my mom urges. Sometimes its nice hearing other people's thoughts about what direction they think you should go in—getting outside perspectives is always a great tool for you to go from, but you should never let it consume you. I know I'm smart. Millions of people could tell me how to apply for internships, successful job interview tips, what should be on my resume, how to dress, how to be productive, how to not worry about everything, but at the end of the day, I know what's good for me. Sometimes it takes letting go of all outside factors (opinions, ideas, dad's advice) or just letting go of one.
Just saying "I need to let go," seems so easy, but it is so multi-faceted and complex in my mind. In moments when I need to be the most present, my mind is usually back in the fifth-grade regretting friendship decisions I made. There just seems like no getting past it. When I'm not past it, I'm behind it. I'm never here. I keep saying how time is flying by in front of my very eyes and this is because we are all so time oriented.
Everything revolves around time, it's all we got to keep us going (well I guess maybe not all we got): when we gotta be there, when we have to leave, when the thing starts, when the thing ends, when we have to live, and when we have to die. Time is so precious to us and it taunts us. If we don't get something done in time, we fail. If we don't make it there on time, we fail. If we forget the time, we fail.
I can't worry about time or as much as I have. I can't worry about a trip I'm planning with my college's study abroad because it's six months from now, I can't worry about what internship I might have in a year from now, I can't worry about my relationship status because I have time to meet people, I can't worry about who I will be around when I'm older because all that matters is what I've got at this moment and how I'm spending it now. Surrender to the flow of life, be present, listen to yourself and others, and the rest will follow.
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I hope everyone has had a really nice and relaxing Thanksgiving holiday—I spent it stuffing my face, sleeping, and stuffing my face some more. For lack of a post on Thursday, since it was Thanksgiving, I thought it would be nice to kind of reiterate some goals I want to set for this winter as my fall quarter has officially come to a close and I am on break until January. It's a little weird with my college because we have ten week quarters with no breaks in between and our winter break is like six weeks long.
It can be so initimidating when you have so much free time. As some of you know, I need to keep doing things, creating, and producing otherwise I get into a low place of doubt, worry, and just a feeling of unproductivity when I have so much time on my hands to do nothing. So, I thought it was only right to make a few ideas of things I want to get done while I have all this time over break, as well as, enjoy it because I know I won't get off time like this in the future.
For some college students, especially those who live in the city, don't really go home for break due to a desire of freedom, a job, an internship, more classes, or what have you. However, since I live so close to home, it makes sense for me to just go home and see people I want to see and not have to worry about groceries or getting around the city during our heinous blizzards. So, here are my goals:
01. Get in touch with people from school.
I think last time I was home, I never really reached out to many people from my highschool or even college for that matter. I have some friends who are staying in the city over break, so it would be nice for me to go visit them and do some touristy things over Christmas time in the city with them. Also, I think a lot of people feel like they need to see absolutely everyone they know over winter break, but I'm just talking about some of my good friends that I haven't seen in awhile. Catching up is my favorite thing.
02. Eat healthier.
I would say for the most part I am a healthy eater, but lately I haven't been paying much attention to it. More recently I've noticed that I kind of treat myself more than I should. I think everyone should eat a pizza, buffalo wings, or whatever they want to every now and then, but my eating habits have not been as controlled as they usually are. Maybe it's a good thing though that I haven't been worrying constantly about food, but I know overbreak and being home with endless food availability it can be so tempting.
03. Read books.
This is a big goal for me because I truly have not read a full book since high school. Yes, I've read articles and magazines, skimmed some books for class, but I haven't sat down and actually enjoyed reading something I like. It's so hard for me to find books I like, however, recently I became serious about this and went to my library (yeah they still exist), looked at the Barnes and Noble best sellers on my phone, chose You are a Badass by Jen Sincero, and I'm already 168 pages in. That is an accomplishment for me. I really enjoy self-help books and guides because they emulate the type of writing and reading that I can benefit from and what better motivater to get inspired to live my life the way I intend on it.
04. Apply to things.
So, I have plans. Big future plans; ambitions and goals and things I want to do, see, and accomplish. There are so many things I want to do with the time being in college, so over break I will be applying for a study abroad program in Europe, an oncampus job for next year, and many scholarships that are gonna help me realize these goals because I got nothing in my pockets except a craving for travel and curisosities of the unknown. It's my time to take the risk and leap, no matter how broke I'll be, and just go for it.
05. Let go of future anxieties.
I mainly dwell on the future and what my decisions will entail before me—I hate this part about myself, honestly. I'm so sick of my thoughts wandering into holes of despair and just internal suckiness. I wish I never thought like this, and especially when I have a lot of time off and I'm not doing anything, I get to this state. I'm aware of when I'm extremely worrisome and I know it doesn't serve me at all. There are things I can't control and there's no point in trying to prevent them, fix them, or obsess.
I could go on and make a bigger list of things I want to do, but hey, it's a break for a reason, so I'm not gonna put so much on my plate and actually relax for most of it and be present with my friends and family that I get to see. Vacations and holidays are great, but overworking yourself and not rewarding or granting yourself time off can suck the life out of you really. I don't plan on posting as much within the next month and leading up to Christmas and New Years, but do expect content! I'll be writing for sure, just leisurely and at my own pace. I hope everyone has an enjoyable holiday season!
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I am an ever-so faithful Gaines family fan and a lover of their former HGTV show, "Fixer Upper". I watch it religiously. Chip and Joanna Gaines, proud Waco, Texans are probably one of the most well known interior design couples across America. Joanna just came out with her new "Homebody" interiors book and I have just recently finished their autobiography, "The Magnolia Story," about their backgrounds and creation of their, now famous, Magnolia brand.
Today I wanted to talk about Joanna Gaines's collaboration with Target and her Hearth and Hand collection she came out with last year. I always gravitate towards her display whenever I walk into the place. The collection includes a wide range of home decor pieces, kitchenware, officeware, and home improvement items like paint and tools. It's evident that these products reflect Joanna's sleek, modern, and rustic style. She also continues to keep up to date on seasons and rotates product specifically catered to holidays and specific color palettes.
What I really appreciate is the fact that all of her items are affordable. I've read all of her blogs and clicked on all of the links to furniture and decor items that she's used in homes and they're just outstandingly expensive and ridiculously priced rugs or vases. So, it's refreshing and really nice that a college student like me can add a touch of Joanna into my space without having to break the bank. A lot of the decor probably ranges from $15-$50. Something a young person obsessed with interior design and decor can manage.
I haven't purchased a lot from her collection, though. My two items that I bought was this sage colored Storage Box and this Padfolio folder and notepad. Both of which I enjoy a lot. Coincidentally, both of them were on sale because they were rotating to the fall collection items and I happened to stroll upon them at perfect timing. This sage color is probably my favorite shade of green and the box was only like six bucks. It's perfect for storing anything and everything, while making your desk or shelf space look neat and put together.
My favorite item of all the things she has in her office collection is this little padfolio guy. I was looking for a more professional looking folder anyway to keep all of my important school documents, business cards, and notes in. It also comes in a bigger size! It was on clearance for only seven dollars and I had to have my hands on it—get it Hearth and Hand. Sorry, I just got excited over a folder. It's been great though. I take it to important meetings and it makes you feel professional when you pull this bad boy out.
Joanna has just launched the Christmas holiday collection and there are variances of texture with woods, metals, and warm fabrics. Flannel inspired stockings, lots of greens and earthy tones, and an overall feeling of "home" that makes her collection so inviting.
One thing I do have to say is that with her very eclectic range of items, there are many items that I think probably shouldn't have been added to collection. Obviously, ranges like these have certain items people really love and people don't care for as much. I noticed that a lot of the same product in multiple Targets were being marked down such as some of the small decorative candle holders and vases and goat statues and relics—also known as "crap". I know that Joanna put a lot of personality into the project, so I applaud her for staying authetic to her farm roots, but I don't think many people really cared for the metal goat bookends. At least I didn't.
However, many of her items are fully functional: the plates, dishes, towels, baking tools, paint, books, folders, lamps, and everything else is pretty much designed with intended usage. I mean, that's one of Joanna's motto when creating spaces anyway—keeping spaces tasteful and functional. So, I'm sure her intention behind the products were geared towards families like her own that just want a place that emulates the personality and coziness of home. I get the goats, alright.
She also competes with other Target interior decor brands that I've also purchased items from like Threshold and Project 62. Threhold has more of a traditional style and Project 62 is modern. So, Joanna's line definitely stands out with the farmhouse chic, industrial vibe. She's not afraid to mix patterns, texture, metals, foliage, but keeps her brand cohesive and individual from the rest I've seen at Target.
My support and devoted admiration for her comes from her value of family, as well as, establishing her own personality through a brand. She is fearless when it comes to design making decisions and that's what inspires me the most about her. I also adore her work ethic, creative intentions, authenticity, and realness when it comes to her idea of simply living and thriving at a place you can call home. Also, I'm in love with her cute family. I'm definitely a "Homebody" and I know you are, too.
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I know the holiday season is nearing us—or is basically already here according to Target and many other chain businesses that just can't calm the f*ck down for a bit until they put out Christmas lights and decorations. Just this past weekend I put up lights on my neighbor's tree! What a quick goodbye to Halloween. I'm not even sure people are even concerned about Thanksgiving this year. Anyway, time is going by and everything seems to be closer than we thought.
You know, something as simple as an "okay," can be taken in so many different ways in so many different contexts. I won't go into examples, but it's definitely true. Our definitions of it vary so much. However, I want to make sure that everybody understands that whatever they're currently going through, good or bad, is going to be okay.
I've talked so much about my mental health and it in general because self-care is pivotal in all of our wellbeings; we have to make sure that we can allow ourselves to feel good, sad, mad, stressed, overwhelmed, confused, and everything else your brain may throw at you. We need to also understand that we are all human and sometimes life can seem like a living hell, but that's okay.
I want this post to feel light-hearted because I could go into a lot of deep topics about not being okay, and the message is short and simple—you are going to get through it. I may not know how, the circumstances, the reasons, or the context, but I feel like a lot of people never take a step back to breathe. Talk it out, think it out, and know that you can do anything you put your mind to.
You will fail and struggle, but a positive and a persistent mindset conquers all. You get to decide what holds you back and you get to decide what drives you forward. People are there to support you and praise you. Wake up every day knowing that you get a chance to start over.
One of my good friends, Isaac, and I sat for about three hours in a Starbucks chatting all things life: our current happenings, future goals, our social lives, and everything else to catch up with because we haven't seen each other in about a year. However, he's one of those friends you could not see in a year and then meet up and feel like you saw them yesterday. Both of us got to talking about where we were and wanted to be, it was crazy just how ambitious both of us have become since high school and all we've achieved.
We still couldn't believe we have been friends for about four years, and I learned that one of the strongest assets to a long-living relationship with someone is not worried about where you're gonna be in two, three, or four years from when you meet. I think this just applies to everything, but I remember being so stressed in high school about college and now I'm at my number one dream school and I have no clue how I'm already a sophomore—it still awes me. It just kind of worked out.
I think the desire to be "okay" directly comes from your outlook on the situation you're in because honestly, a lot of times I feel like I could be somewhere entirely different. Cut all the comparisons, doubts, or regrets, because where you are in your life should only matter to you and it is your job to find purpose in the present moment. Stop dwelling on what happened or what could happen—when all you are doing is the best you can today in time, you are going to be just fine.
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I would definitely say that writing has come easily to me over the years, but when I was younger it was hard. I write so much nowadays anyway that I feel much more comfortable than I did in middle school or high school. I was not a good reader, but I was a proficient writer.
You see, the thing is was that in my school, at least, we were taught specific ways to read, analyze, infer, and explain sorts of things that we were learning about—seems like any other school curriculum. My school was driven on the basis of standardized tests, like many schools, so what they wanted from students (in terms of writing) was the average five paragraph sandwich essay with little room to elaborate on our own thoughts because using "I" was forbidden.
I don't resent my English schooling, but I wish it had been different because what I have learned from my own writing and college is that none of it is important (for the most part). What we should be learning is correct grammar and that is still something I struggle with constantly. Kids do not know how to properly comma splice or even the difference between "its" and "it's."
I'm no "grammar nazi" and I definitely don't discriminate based on how well or poor you write because I know that everyone is at a different level and pace when it comes to writing—a lot of people hate it. I guess my background with writing and being surrounded by English majors kind of swayed me a bit into the passion. The freedom of using my own words and thoughts to talk about whatever I want, especially on my own platform, has been one of the most gratifying experiences in my life. Writing is a part of me and always will.
Many people ask me how I can handle writing freely, with writing for my college blog and editing, as well as, managing five to six-page papers on a weekly basis. All I can say is that when I'm in the mood, I'm a writing machine. Words can just easily flow off my fingers. I think it's not only therapeutic but introspectively reflective and releasing.
My college writing, for one thing, has been more about my own interpretations, so instead of research and context-based writing I did in high school, I actually get to think about things on my terms not relating to a certain article or opinion of somebody else. There's no "second meaning" and my professors aren't forcing us to make wild inferences about certain metaphors or what deeper meaning something has. High school focused too much on the content and I think it strayed our abilities to create our own understanding of the texts.
I guess the trick or key to prideful writing is that you can't really compare yours to everybody else's. I know there are far better writers than me out there, but I think recently I've gotten really comfortable with my voice and that's proven some really great work that I've made. Maybe it's also a mentality, too. My mood, for one thing, has been pretty positive lately and that's really affected the way I write and go about writing. Some weeks I feel like shit and lack the inspiration I can normally find.
Since I have basically been writing nonstop this past couple of months, there's without a doubt that I've improved on some aspect of my writing. I still have trouble using "big" words, sentence variance, and everything else. However, little by little I've noticed that it's easier to form my complex ideas and connect them all so I don't fall astray from the main concept of my writing—or at least I think so.
I'm the biggest critic of my own writing and no A or B on a paper can tell me whether or not I really did a good job. Of course, I make mistakes in my writing, could elaborate more on certain subjects, fix the structure of my thoughts, and so forth, but I know whether or not the writing I did was created with full effort and purpose.
One of the biggest things I've learned with writing is that simplicity is a strong suit. Learning how to write less with concision is probably the hardest things for college students and writers in general. A lot of people feel like they have to say so much about everything, but you really need to get to the point and move on. It takes time to develop your style, voice, and comfortability with writing. It takes time, patience, and effort. I'm constantly learning and I hope everybody takes the opportunity to do the same!
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I am in shock by how fast this month has gone by because Halloween is in literally a day. I swear it was September like yesterday. I keep talking about time on here and it is still so surprising to me just how quickly it all changes and how unbelievably fast experiences go by. That said, I thought this post could be a little reflective on all the fall-related things I've done already because it's been a very eventful season.
Near the end of September, my family and I went pumpkin picking at a rural pumpkin farm in Illinois. It was a little disappointing for my mom especially because we always try to look for those family owned and uncommercialized "pick-your-own" pumpkin patches. However, a lot of the ones close to using either has too many people now or already has pumpkins picked for you—or both.
Our tradition of going out into the field and looking for the perfect pumpkin is something my family and I love doing. We even brought my dog Cooper along because we also love taking fall pictures while we do it. We did end up bringing home about five big ones, but it still wasn't entirely the same this year and I guess it was okay.
So, after that, I actually got a chance to go visit my Grandpa in Michigan over a weekend. I love making special short trips to see family and it was really nice because I also saw my uncle and my dad's best friend who I've known since I was really little. Small reunions like that are always so sweet and I'm glad I got to go with my dad and my older sister, Melissa.
Over this past month, I've really become family oriented and have realized how much I value family and make those efforts to connect with people I care about. I've always had that personality trait, but just recently it's been very evident and that's always a great thing to have.
Later this month, I did something I wouldn't normally get myself into. My sister invited me to go to the 13th Floor Haunted House in Chicago. For some reason, I casually said yes and we all ended up there that night. It was me, my younger sister, her boyfriend, and a few other of our friends. I think part of me just wanted to be scared and do something adrenaline pumping and I was for sure on edge.
If you love to get spooked and creeped out, this is the place for you. Obviously, there are actors and designed sets in there, but it makes it even more fun when you just play along and let yourself be scared. A lot of work and time goes into the creation of many haunted houses and my friends and I were talking about the art of scaring and how much goes into it. I let out a few screams ;)
I also got to carve my pumpkin just this past weekend and roast some of the pumpkin seeds. I am not sharing what my pumpkin looks like because it honestly backfired and fell inward on itself, but I did carve the boogie man from A Nightmare Before Christmas. That's probably one of my favorite Halloween movies and I'm surprised I haven't watched it at all this month or any other Halloween movies really. I have been watching more classic horror movies like The Shining, though, which I love.
This weekend, or Hallo-weekend, I had a costume party with some of my closest friends and I went as Tom Cruise from Risky Business. Thankfully, it wasn't too cold out to wear shorts under my dress shirt I bought from Goodwill. I think this October has fulfilled my fall checklist of things to do and I'm amazed that it's almost over and the next thing we know it's Thanksgiving. I hope everyone has a safe and spooky-ookey Halloween! 👻🎃
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I love updating you guys on what goes on during my weeks and I thought it would be the perfect time to reflect on this past weekend full of fun. I can't believe it is already the middle of October. I don't even have Halloween plans yet! Sadly, this weekend I came over with a very bad cold and sore throat, so I've been tackling that while all of these events took place over the weekend. NyQuil has indeed been getting me through. Get vaccinated everyone! It's that time of year.
My weekends are really nice at school because the way my college works is that most classes are Monday through Thursday. I have a three day weekend every week and normally I take that time to study, babysit, chill and hang out, explore the city, or go home to the suburbs. It's a nice time to regroup before the busy week ahead.
On Thursday afternoon, my friend Emily and I wanted to venture out and find the pop up Glossier shop downtown and get some goodies before they leave October 28th! It's located in the West Loop and was just a quick 'L' train transfer. To be honest, that was the day I really didn't feel good, but it's what you gotta do for Glossier!
If anyone is new to Glossier or has never heard of it before, it is a minimalist makeup brand focused on the individual—in other words, "Glossier was founded on the fact that beauty isn’t made in a boardroom—it happens when the individual is celebrated". Their products focus on enhancing everyone's individual beauty and I could not wait to have a chance to try whatever I wanted.
I knew that I wanted the Boy Brow because I had already been in need of a new eyebrow filler. The applicator is small, but the way you naturally sweep it over your brows creates an effortlessly full brow. It thickens, fills, and sets my brows in place without feeling sticky or leaving any residue! I also have been drawn to the Lid Star cream eyeshadow in Cub. It's the most beautiful copper color and gives a dewy and glimmery look without creasing. So, that was a very fun girl day to try out some makeup and all of the workers there were so helpful with finding products. I would recommend checking it out!
Over the weekend, my mom scheduled a family photoshoot with one of her friend photographers. My mom especially loves getting our pictures taken and the last time we all had done a photoshoot together was probably more than five years ago. So, it was nice to get updated pictures and have Cooper join us, as well!
We went to Fullersburg Woods which is not so far from my hometown. It was the perfect fall Sunday and we thought we were supposed to get rain, but we were so lucky. Cooper was such a good boy and I think we got some great pictures, which I hope to share with you all soon.
Finally I got to visit a close family friend in the city before I went back to school for the week. My parents and I made a quick stop in Chinatown so I could pick up some Chinese pastries for my roommate and I to have for breakfast this week.
My family friend lives in the South Loop and has an apartment with an amazing view of the lake and Solider Field. You can see all of the changing trees and of course I needed a picture. It's these types of weekends that I love and living so close to home and surrounded by friends is so comforting and great. Going to school in the city has brought so much opportunity and I am so happy I get to have cherishable times like these. What was your weekend like?
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In honor of Mental Health Day, which was yesterday October, 10th, I took it upon myself to dedicate a day to my overall well-being and mental state. I needed a day to myself and I think that it is totally okay to make time for yourself whenever you need it. I did some yoga, had some introspective thoughts, and am back to writing and getting shit done.
While it can seem so easy to just turn off and take a break as a part of your normal routine, not many people have that ability. I know we are go-go-go crazy humans and if we aren't doing anything we feel like the world is just moving so fast around us—crazy what stress society puts on us amirite? With the entire political climate, media climate, social climate, and actual weather climate changing it can seem like there's no space to catch a breath, step back, and re-evaluate it all.
I believe that everybody's attitudes, moods, and feelings effect everyone else's—I mean, of course they do because when we communicate, we express ourselves and our thoughts. People are so fearful sometimes to open up and tell someone that they're hurting, or stressed, or overwhelmed. As a result, we build up these emotions, not benefitting ourselves or those around us.
If you haven't already read in past articles, I've dealt with the fact that I worry about everybody else in my life all the time. I'm always "other-analyszing". When I really should be self-analyzing. You cannot resort to comparisons and making yourself feel worse because someone else has something you don't. It's self deteriorating. We are comparative creatures and we are always in search for the next best thing. The next best Iphone, Lipkit, job, grade, accomplishment, or what have you.
It is imperative to our health to take breaks. When we work out too hard, we increase our ability to get injured and when we overwork ourselves, we increase the ability of mental breakdowns. People just don't feel like taking breaks because they feel fine and that's when they realize they really need a break once they've hit the extreme. It's definitely not a healthy routine if you ask me.
Like my schoolwork, personal life, hobbies and writing, and everything else in between, I make an effort to put my mind in a place where I feel the most joy and content. I know what I'm like when I'm overly stressed and anxious, so I pace myself. Taking breaks from my blog and making priorities come first, especially my mental health. I make time to exercise, get my work done, work a little, socialize a bit, and decompress at the end of the day doing something relaxing and not physically inducing or strenuous. I try to eat well, drink water, and also treat myself when I feel like it. Finding balance in all of these things is going to positively effect the way you feel and think at the end of the day.
When you get into that low place, because we all do at some point, remember that there is help and people who support you. We all are moving through the world with different mental capacities and different struggles. It is important for you to know that it is okay to reach out and ask for help and to tell someone you are hurting or conflicted. I know you are strong, exquisite, worthy, capable, important, and I will listen to you.
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I'm not one to really talk about finances or anything on here, but I am a college student and I have bills to pay like many other college students. In fact, it's probably one of the main concerns when it comes to situations.
Money has inevitably shaped the way our culture goes about the world. Nothing is free and that's why I feel like I should share with you all something that I picked up over this past summer that has helped me save so much money.
So, basically I use this app called Poshmark. It's a buy and sell website for all things fashion and beauty related. It's kind of like Ebay, but more catered towards clothing. There are also other buy and sell fashion apps that I've looked at, but Poshmark seemed the most easy to handle and navigate. I discovered it a while back and couldn't really figure out how to use it, so just recently I gave it another shot.
It's almost like an Instagram for all the things you are selling. I'm an advocate for donating and I would encourage you to donate clothes, however, some items that are of higher value in your closet that you really can't seem to giveaway, can find a home through this app!
In fact, it's probably one of my favorite resale sites out there. It's recycled clothing and I think we need more people to realize that it's better for the enviornment to purchase resold clothes. There is so much clothing out in the world, many people without clothes, and so much wasted material, money, and labor.
Once you get the hang of the app and can navigate the tabs and all that, people start following you instantly. Everyone is trying to sell their clothes, so the more people to notice you the better. I would say that overall, within the past five months, I've probably made about a thousand dollars. Now this is considering the amount that I've spent as well.
The clothes I tend to sell are mostly clothes I never wear and brand named items that I simply can't part with and know that I can get some extra cash for them. Sometimes, I "Girl Boss" the heck out of thrift stores for brand name clothes and resell them on Posh. I bought a cheaper pair of Ray Bans for around $60 bucks. It's amazing what you can find on Poshmark and I know I will continue to use it as long as I can!
You simply take detailed and quality pictures of the product on your phone and make sure you disclose all the information needed. You can make discounts, offers, and bundle items from your listings! It has definitely taught me a lot about the fashion industry and consumer marketplace. You see trends and what people like and don't like. You also get first hand communication with the buyer and seller, so you can make sure your questions or concerns are answered.
I have not had any problems with using the app because Poshmark is very helpful and reimburses you regardless of any shipping mishap or if a box ever does get lost in the mail. You also get free shipping labels which is nice. They make sure people get what they paid for and I have trust in using it.
I know this isn't everyone's idea of making money, but it definitely has been an awesome tool to use to make the extra bucks. Especially, for a college student, I know many people have clothes building up in their small dorm wardrobes that could be parted with. I would highly suggest trying it out. Check out my closet, here, if you're interested!
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